••
♥
Did you know; Many dead animals in the past
changed to fossils while others preferred to
be oil.
••
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we
won't drown when we breathe.
won't drown when we breathe.
••
Two drunk Irishmen are talking, and one says,
"When I die, I want you to pour that bottle of
whiskey, I've been saving, on my grave."
The second says "I"ll do that for you, but do you
mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"
"When I die, I want you to pour that bottle of
whiskey, I've been saving, on my grave."
The second says "I"ll do that for you, but do you
mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"
••
My wife's cooking is so bad, the homeless gave it
back.
back.
••
My wife said, "Can you imagine us 30 years from
now?"
I replied, "I can imagine seeing you and saying 'you
look a lot like my ex-wife'."
And life as he knew it, ended quickly and painfully.
now?"
I replied, "I can imagine seeing you and saying 'you
look a lot like my ex-wife'."
And life as he knew it, ended quickly and painfully.
••
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
How many can you afford?
light bulb?
How many can you afford?
••
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its
mind which way it wants to go.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its
mind which way it wants to go.
••
Three old men went to see God.
The first old man, an American, asked God when
his country will come out of recession.
"100 years" God said.
The American started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day".
The second man, a Russian asked God, "When will
my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years" came the reply.
The Russian too started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day".
Finally a Indian asked God, "When will my country
become corruption free?"
God started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day!"
The first old man, an American, asked God when
his country will come out of recession.
"100 years" God said.
The American started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day".
The second man, a Russian asked God, "When will
my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years" came the reply.
The Russian too started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day".
Finally a Indian asked God, "When will my country
become corruption free?"
God started weeping profusely.
"I will not live to see that day!"
••
According to a new survey, women say they feel
more comfortable undressing in front of men than
they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where,
of course, men are just grateful.
more comfortable undressing in front of men than
they do undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where,
of course, men are just grateful.
••
My 9 year old son walked in the house one
morning (he was supposed to be waiting on the
school bus) and told me he had seen the
funniest thing ever -
my dog's butt was 'frozen' to the neighbors
dog's butt.
Poor child
morning (he was supposed to be waiting on the
school bus) and told me he had seen the
funniest thing ever -
my dog's butt was 'frozen' to the neighbors
dog's butt.
Poor child
••
I recently broke up with my girlfriend.
We just didnt have anything in common.
But when that happens, you have to try to
compromise.
I tried to compromise with her.
I remember one time I was like, Look, if you go
with me to my Lord of the Rings fan fiction meet
up group, Ill go with you to this ultrasound thing.
We just didnt have anything in common.
But when that happens, you have to try to
compromise.
I tried to compromise with her.
I remember one time I was like, Look, if you go
with me to my Lord of the Rings fan fiction meet
up group, Ill go with you to this ultrasound thing.
••
Being a community dairy farmer I have to work
well with udders..
well with udders..
••••
