••
♥
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went
"a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence
of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of
five robberies and a kidnapping.
The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
••
Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a
redhead?
A: She unties you.
redhead?
A: She unties you.
••
The woman at the supermarket checkout was
giving the clerk a hard time.
As her audience in the waiting line increased,
she became more abusive.
Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea
collar.
The checker asked the customer if she was
aware that the package had been opened.
"Of course," the woman snapped.
"I opened it.
You can't expect me to get it home and find out
it's the wrong size."
A voice from the line spoke for all of us:
"Wear it in good health."
giving the clerk a hard time.
As her audience in the waiting line increased,
she became more abusive.
Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea
collar.
The checker asked the customer if she was
aware that the package had been opened.
"Of course," the woman snapped.
"I opened it.
You can't expect me to get it home and find out
it's the wrong size."
A voice from the line spoke for all of us:
"Wear it in good health."
••
All that stands in the way of Democratic
electoral success is a mildly competent
implementation of the health care policy.
electoral success is a mildly competent
implementation of the health care policy.
••
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
enjoy adultery?
enjoy adultery?
••
Q: What do Kodak cameras have in common
with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.
with condoms?
A: Both capture the moment.
••
A University of Georgia student was visiting a
Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays.
He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed.
He was attempting to start up a conversation with
the line, "Where does you go to school?"
The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with
his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his
question.
"Yale," she replied.
The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and
shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL??"
Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays.
He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed.
He was attempting to start up a conversation with
the line, "Where does you go to school?"
The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with
his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his
question.
"Yale," she replied.
The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and
shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL??"
••
I found my "inner child" and put the brat up for
adoption.
adoption.
••
There was an airplane full of a shipment of
Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction and went down.
A few weeks later, Pepsi Co sent a rescue plane
out to look for the lost plane.
They found the wreckage but were unable to
locate the crew.
They searched the area and found a tribe of
cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
and asked him if he knew anything about the
crash.
The Chief says,"Yeah".
When asked where the crew was the Chief
replied, "We ate the crew and drank the Pepsi."
The Rescue crew was shocked.
One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we
drank the Pepsi".
After looking totally perplexed for a minute a
third added, "Did you...you know...eat their....
things"??
The chief says, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuers.
"NO", replied the Chief,
" THINGS go better with COKE!!!"
Pepsi flying over Africa.
It suddenly had a malfunction and went down.
A few weeks later, Pepsi Co sent a rescue plane
out to look for the lost plane.
They found the wreckage but were unable to
locate the crew.
They searched the area and found a tribe of
cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
and asked him if he knew anything about the
crash.
The Chief says,"Yeah".
When asked where the crew was the Chief
replied, "We ate the crew and drank the Pepsi."
The Rescue crew was shocked.
One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we
drank the Pepsi".
After looking totally perplexed for a minute a
third added, "Did you...you know...eat their....
things"??
The chief says, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuers.
"NO", replied the Chief,
" THINGS go better with COKE!!!"
••
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up and hurry
off as if nothing ever happened."
-Sir Winston Churchill
but most of them pick themselves up and hurry
off as if nothing ever happened."
-Sir Winston Churchill
••
Looking for Love: "Heartthrob Fabio announced
he is looking for his dream woman."
"He says he wants someone who's funny,
secure, independent and has a good personality.
You know what's really sad- the one woman in
Hollywood who fits those criteria is....
Ellen DeGeneres."
he is looking for his dream woman."
"He says he wants someone who's funny,
secure, independent and has a good personality.
You know what's really sad- the one woman in
Hollywood who fits those criteria is....
Ellen DeGeneres."
••••
