••
♥
It's will soon be that time of year again,
just so you know.....
I'm not giving any Halloween candy to a kid
who says "trick or twerk."
just so you know.....
I'm not giving any Halloween candy to a kid
who says "trick or twerk."
••
The highlight of my trip to the zoo was seeing
an antelope....
I'd never seen an insect get married before....
an antelope....
I'd never seen an insect get married before....
••
Sara goes to a pet shop and asks the owner for a
yellow canary.
"I am sorry but I don't have any canaries,
but I'll show you something better," says Abdul,
the owner.
Then he shows her some pale green parakeets.
"I have my mind set on a yellow canary and that's
what I want," says Sara.
Abdul is not going to give up so soon and says,
"You can think of them as yellow canaries that
aren't quite ripe yet."
yellow canary.
"I am sorry but I don't have any canaries,
but I'll show you something better," says Abdul,
the owner.
Then he shows her some pale green parakeets.
"I have my mind set on a yellow canary and that's
what I want," says Sara.
Abdul is not going to give up so soon and says,
"You can think of them as yellow canaries that
aren't quite ripe yet."
••
After months of begging, I finally got my fat wife
to tie me up in bed last night.
No more rolling into the dip on her side.
to tie me up in bed last night.
No more rolling into the dip on her side.
••
A young girl sees her father in the shower and
asks what his testicles are.
"Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
She tells this to her mother, who replies,
"Did he say anything about that dead branch
they're hanging on?"
asks what his testicles are.
"Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
She tells this to her mother, who replies,
"Did he say anything about that dead branch
they're hanging on?"
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
••
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do
such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow,
and I don't want anything to make her think
she's welcome."
to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do
such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow,
and I don't want anything to make her think
she's welcome."
••
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tons of sand from
the Arabs and they're going to drill for their
own oil.
They imported 50 million tons of sand from
the Arabs and they're going to drill for their
own oil.
••
On Father's day, my little son came running
to me and demanded, "Dad, I want half of the gifts
you received."
When I asked why, he replied, "If it weren’t for me,
you wouldn’t even be a father."
to me and demanded, "Dad, I want half of the gifts
you received."
When I asked why, he replied, "If it weren’t for me,
you wouldn’t even be a father."
••
Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?
Shut up and reload.
Shut up and reload.
••••
