••
♥
You Ought to be in Pictures: More than 50 people
responded to an invitationto a casting call for a
Robert DeNiro movie being shot in Boston.
The onlyproblem was, the invitations were sent by
police...... To people with outstanding arrest
warrants.
One woman complained she "took a day off from
work" to meetDeNiro.
She was led away in handcuffs instead.
"It's so nice to scam people who are scammers,"
one detective said.
The casting call, sent to 3,800fugitives, offered
more than $200 for two hours of work as extras,
plus the chance of "becoming famous." (UPI)
••
A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him
at the hospital how it happened.
He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone
rang...
so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and
burned my ear..."
"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?"
The doctor asked.
"How do you think I called you people?"
at the hospital how it happened.
He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone
rang...
so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and
burned my ear..."
"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?"
The doctor asked.
"How do you think I called you people?"
••
James McNeill Whistler's (painter of "Whistler's
Mother") failure in his West Point chemistry
examination once provoked him to remark in
later life, "If silicon had been a gas, I should have
been a major general."
Mother") failure in his West Point chemistry
examination once provoked him to remark in
later life, "If silicon had been a gas, I should have
been a major general."
••
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had
come to him for an examination.
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "I have some good news for
you."
The woman said, "I'm glad of that doctor, but I'm
Miss Brown,"
"Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing
expression, "I have bad news for you."
come to him for an examination.
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "I have some good news for
you."
The woman said, "I'm glad of that doctor, but I'm
Miss Brown,"
"Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing
expression, "I have bad news for you."
••
Due to inclement weather, the sandwich shop
wrapped up early Tuesday night.
wrapped up early Tuesday night.
••
I found my son hanging in his bedroom this morning.
There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the
critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.
As he lay in my arms and slowly opened his eyes, I said,
"That's not how you spell criticism."
There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the
critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.
As he lay in my arms and slowly opened his eyes, I said,
"That's not how you spell criticism."
••
German philosopher) George Wilhelm Hegel,
on his deathbed, complained,
"Only one man ever understood me."
He fell silent for a while and then added,
"And he didn't understand me."
on his deathbed, complained,
"Only one man ever understood me."
He fell silent for a while and then added,
"And he didn't understand me."
••
Women don't make fools of men -
most of them are the do-it-yourself types
most of them are the do-it-yourself types
••
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
‘I just had my first day of sex education in school
today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth
birthday, my boyfriend would die!’
I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart,
he will.’
‘I just had my first day of sex education in school
today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth
birthday, my boyfriend would die!’
I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart,
he will.’
••••
