••
♥
New York Fashion Week is in full swing.
This is a time when today's hottest models show
off all the latest eating disorders.
••
Gus, a carpenter by profession, had witnessed an
accident and was summoned to court to give
evidence.
The defendant's lawyer tried to discredit him by
asking several tricky questions.
One of the questions was, "How far were you from
the accident site?"
Gus replied, "Thirty one feet, three and a half
inches."
The lawyer asked, "What???!
How can you be so sure and precise about that
distance?"
Gus said, "Well, I knew sooner or later someone
stupid would ask me.
So I measured it!"
accident and was summoned to court to give
evidence.
The defendant's lawyer tried to discredit him by
asking several tricky questions.
One of the questions was, "How far were you from
the accident site?"
Gus replied, "Thirty one feet, three and a half
inches."
The lawyer asked, "What???!
How can you be so sure and precise about that
distance?"
Gus said, "Well, I knew sooner or later someone
stupid would ask me.
So I measured it!"
••
A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and
wanted release.
He inquired for the address of a good house of ill
repute.
He was told to go to 225 E West Street.
By mistake, he went to 225 W East Street, the office
of a podiatrist.
Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform
surprised but intrigued him.
She directed him to an examining room and told
him to uncover and someone would be with him
soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining
chair and was really getting aroused because of the
strange and different approach this house offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous
redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair
with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness," she exclaimed, " I was expecting to
see a foot."
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about
a couple of inches, then I'll take my business
elsewhere!"
wanted release.
He inquired for the address of a good house of ill
repute.
He was told to go to 225 E West Street.
By mistake, he went to 225 W East Street, the office
of a podiatrist.
Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform
surprised but intrigued him.
She directed him to an examining room and told
him to uncover and someone would be with him
soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining
chair and was really getting aroused because of the
strange and different approach this house offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous
redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair
with his generous member in his hand.
"My goodness," she exclaimed, " I was expecting to
see a foot."
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about
a couple of inches, then I'll take my business
elsewhere!"
••
The new secretary of the Vatican said that
celibacy for priests is open to discussion.
In a related story, nuns are now allowed to twerk.
celibacy for priests is open to discussion.
In a related story, nuns are now allowed to twerk.
••
Chuck Norris can juggle 12 bar stools when drunk
but only 8 when sober.
but only 8 when sober.
••
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother
Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
••
That damn husband of mine wanted me to sleep
with the landlord because he lost the rent money
playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain
misgivings, I might add.
What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband
the rent is paid up for six months!"
with the landlord because he lost the rent money
playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain
misgivings, I might add.
What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband
the rent is paid up for six months!"
••
Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and
then turn around and come home?
It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch
Viking was a television.
then turn around and come home?
It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch
Viking was a television.
••
Mr. Schneider stood up in court.
"As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any
money."
Glaring down at him, the judge replied,
"He's not, I am, You do."
"As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any
money."
Glaring down at him, the judge replied,
"He's not, I am, You do."
••
One day a man came home from work earlier
than usual and caught his wife in bed with his
best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot
his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this,
you're going to lose ALL your friends."
than usual and caught his wife in bed with his
best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot
his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this,
you're going to lose ALL your friends."
