••
♥
Al Sharpton demanding to know the whereabouts
of George Zimmerman in light of the Washington
D.C. shooting of another Trayvon at Navy base.
of George Zimmerman in light of the Washington
D.C. shooting of another Trayvon at Navy base.
••
Steve complained to his friend Al that
lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine
and boring.
"Get creative buddy.
Break up the monotony.
Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you
make it last for an hour?"
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room
for 45 minutes!"
lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine
and boring.
"Get creative buddy.
Break up the monotony.
Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you
make it last for an hour?"
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room
for 45 minutes!"
••
Man does not control his own fate.
The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx....
The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx....
••
“In order to score seats on overcrowded subways
and buses, some women in China have begun
strapping on silicone pregnancy bellies.
It’s kind of like what New Yorkers do for a seat on
the train, but instead of faking a pregnancy,
they just throw up on people.”
and buses, some women in China have begun
strapping on silicone pregnancy bellies.
It’s kind of like what New Yorkers do for a seat on
the train, but instead of faking a pregnancy,
they just throw up on people.”
••
I've just seen a terrific documentary on
marijuana.
I'm going to watch them all that way from now
on.
marijuana.
I'm going to watch them all that way from now
on.
••
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot
after his 6th unsuccessful landing (bolter):
You've got to land here, son.
This is where the food is.
after his 6th unsuccessful landing (bolter):
You've got to land here, son.
This is where the food is.
••
“Obama said if we agree with him on his tax
increase on the rich that he needs us to e-mail our
congressmen and representatives.
I thought, well then, I’m gonna need you to e-mail
me who they are.
Because unless they’re hosting ‘Shark Week,’
I’m probably not familiar with their work.”
increase on the rich that he needs us to e-mail our
congressmen and representatives.
I thought, well then, I’m gonna need you to e-mail
me who they are.
Because unless they’re hosting ‘Shark Week,’
I’m probably not familiar with their work.”
••
A man comes home from a night of drinking.
As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at
him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?"
The man replies, "I'm sorry honey.....
I ran out of money."
As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at
him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?"
The man replies, "I'm sorry honey.....
I ran out of money."
••
A trucker who has been out on the road..
for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down
$500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a
grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one
of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny –
I’m just homesick."
for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down
$500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a
grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one
of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny –
I’m just homesick."
••
I love my job as an anesthetist.
Just as my patient is about to go under,
I love to call them by the wrong name and tell
them not to worry your vasectomy will be over
shortly.
Just as my patient is about to go under,
I love to call them by the wrong name and tell
them not to worry your vasectomy will be over
shortly.
••
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the
lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat.
We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the
lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat.
We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"
••
“As a male above age 30, I get all these targeted,
personalized ads for, like, mortgages and sexual
aids.
So annoying! I don’t need information about
mortgages.”
“As a male above age 30, I get all these targeted,
personalized ads for, like, mortgages and sexual
aids.
So annoying! I don’t need information about
mortgages.”
••••
