••
♥
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.
An Investigator.
••
"That sure is a mean looking dog,"
said my neighbor, "What's his name?"
"Curiosity." I replied
"Hmm," He said "Odd name for a dog, don't ya
think?"
"Yeah, by the way, your cat's dead."
"That sure is a mean looking dog,"
said my neighbor, "What's his name?"
"Curiosity." I replied
"Hmm," He said "Odd name for a dog, don't ya
think?"
"Yeah, by the way, your cat's dead."
••
Upon taking a seat at the bar, the exec noticed that
each stool had a number painted on it.
Sitting next to him was a rather depressed-looking
gentleman and an attractive young woman who
was obviously enjoying herself.
The newcomer turned toward the unhappy fellow
and asked if he knew the purpose of the numbers.
"Sure," the guy said. "Every half hour, the
bartender spins a wheel and whoever has the
winning seat gets to go upstairs for the wild sex
orgy they have up there."
"That's terrific!" exclaimed the surprised customer. "Have you won?"
"Not yet," the man said, miserably, "but my date
has, four times in a row!"
each stool had a number painted on it.
Sitting next to him was a rather depressed-looking
gentleman and an attractive young woman who
was obviously enjoying herself.
The newcomer turned toward the unhappy fellow
and asked if he knew the purpose of the numbers.
"Sure," the guy said. "Every half hour, the
bartender spins a wheel and whoever has the
winning seat gets to go upstairs for the wild sex
orgy they have up there."
"That's terrific!" exclaimed the surprised customer. "Have you won?"
"Not yet," the man said, miserably, "but my date
has, four times in a row!"
••
Little Johnny was caught swearing by his
teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind
of language.
Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the
teacher, "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted.
"It means the car won't start."
Little Johnny was caught swearing by his
teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind
of language.
Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the
teacher, "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted.
"It means the car won't start."
••
My mom said to me, 'Your uncle's a miser you
know.
In all that cold weather last week, he just sat
huddled over a candle.'
I said, 'Geez, Mom, they say it's going to be even
colder this week.'
She said, 'Yes, well you never know.
This week he may light it.'
know.
In all that cold weather last week, he just sat
huddled over a candle.'
I said, 'Geez, Mom, they say it's going to be even
colder this week.'
She said, 'Yes, well you never know.
This week he may light it.'
••
Q: How can you tell when a blonde been by
your computer?
A: There is cheese by the mouse.
your computer?
A: There is cheese by the mouse.
••
A child at a Christian school was studying the
early days of Mormonism in his class.
He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons
believed in having more than one wife.
This is called polygamy.
But we believe in having only one wife.
This is called monotony"
early days of Mormonism in his class.
He wrote on his paper, "The early Mormons
believed in having more than one wife.
This is called polygamy.
But we believe in having only one wife.
This is called monotony"
••
What's the difference between a homeless and a
pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
••
They say when a man holds a woman's hand before
marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
••
Bill has the typical observant wife.
One evening after dinner, she handed him a bottle
of Rogaine hair-restorer.
Bill told her while he was indeed starting to thin
out some, he didn't really think he needed
hair-restorer yet.
She said, "Oh. It's not for you, it's for your secretary,
she seems to be losing quite a bit of her hair on
your jacket."
One evening after dinner, she handed him a bottle
of Rogaine hair-restorer.
Bill told her while he was indeed starting to thin
out some, he didn't really think he needed
hair-restorer yet.
She said, "Oh. It's not for you, it's for your secretary,
she seems to be losing quite a bit of her hair on
your jacket."
••
What do you call two little green men holding
hands?
Gayliens.
hands?
Gayliens.
••••
