••
♥
This one lady was telling the judge how her
husband was abusive to her on several occasions
and how fearful she was for her life.
She was seeking a restraining order.
The judge granted the order.
The bailiff asked if she needed an escort to
her car, since her husband was in the courtroom
with her.
She said, 'No, he's my ride home.'
husband was abusive to her on several occasions
and how fearful she was for her life.
She was seeking a restraining order.
The judge granted the order.
The bailiff asked if she needed an escort to
her car, since her husband was in the courtroom
with her.
She said, 'No, he's my ride home.'
••
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803.
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many
qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be
comforted.
Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803.
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many
qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be
comforted.
••
My friend was always teasing me about cybersex
and trying
and trying
to lead me on.
One day he wrote a really racy letter so I decided
to "call his bluff".
Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit,
I accidently responded to my Recipe Du Jour list
instead and wrote: "Thanks a lot.
Now I can't get any work done.
My panties are wet from the anticipation of your
next email."
A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize
salsa had such an effect."
One day he wrote a really racy letter so I decided
to "call his bluff".
Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit,
I accidently responded to my Recipe Du Jour list
instead and wrote: "Thanks a lot.
Now I can't get any work done.
My panties are wet from the anticipation of your
next email."
A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize
salsa had such an effect."
••
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and
saw a shark swimming around a man.
The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed!
She knew that the shark was never going to
help that man!
saw a shark swimming around a man.
The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed!
She knew that the shark was never going to
help that man!
••
How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen
pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
••
If someone throws a small cat out the window of
a moving car is it considered "kitty litter"?
a moving car is it considered "kitty litter"?
••
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing
divorce proceeding.
He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated
to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this said,
"Mister, you'd better watch what you say.
You're in horse country."
divorce proceeding.
He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated
to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."
One of the locals spoke up on hearing this said,
"Mister, you'd better watch what you say.
You're in horse country."
••
"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be
going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit!
Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean
it up!"
••
Question: What is every Amish woman's private
fantasy?
Answer: Two Mennonite!
fantasy?
Answer: Two Mennonite!
••••
