Down Hummingbird Lane

••

 

••

♥

 

Try as I might though, I just can't seem to win
many points with my  wife.
Just the other day she was reminding me of how
often she had to ask for my help with our kids.
Then she pointed out that the youngest had moved
out over eight years ago.
I smiled and said "OK, what would you like me to
do next ?" Again -- nothing but cold icy silence.
I just don't understand that woman at all.

 

••

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.

 

•• 

The other day, I was told that the reason why
women wear bright-red lipstick is for men to
subliminally think of the other set of lips.
I was told that from a girl who was wearing
bright-red lipstick....

 

••

A pair of C-ville robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit
shot him.

 

••

Bob shows up at the bar to meet Jack, Bob is all
out of breath.
"Bob, what the hell is with you?"
"I was just being chased by the cops, I barely got
away"
"What did you do?"
"I got caught pissing in the shower"
"There's nothing illegal about that"
"That's what I thought but apparently the folks at
Home Depot don't like it"

 

••

I was in town today and I walked past a guy
playing the violin.
I asked him, "Do you do requests?"
"Yes I do for 2 dollars." he replied.
So I handed over the money and said, "There you
go, now shut the hell up.

 

••

The local bondage club was robbed last night,
we were all left bound and gagged.
We loved it.

 

••

Knock-knock.
 Who's there?
 Dishes.
 Dishes who?
 Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!

 

••

Q:   Why was the Ohare employee cafeteria closed
last week?
 A:   A captain rented it for his daughter's wedding
reception.

 

••••