••
♥
Wisdom of an old golfer...NEVER eat the fruit on
the course below waist high......
the course below waist high......
••
It's not all that often a wife will confess her faults.
Just the other nite my wife said, "Hon, I know I'm
not the perfect wife.
I realize I'm often too outspoken."
Risking all manner of flying objects, I couldn't
resist the temptation and calmly replied,
"Oh, by whom dear ?"
Just the other nite my wife said, "Hon, I know I'm
not the perfect wife.
I realize I'm often too outspoken."
Risking all manner of flying objects, I couldn't
resist the temptation and calmly replied,
"Oh, by whom dear ?"
••
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and
says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts
today."
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend.
"How did you do that?"
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I
performed three marriages."
The friend looks at him quizically.
"Seven?" he asks.
"I could understand six, but..."
"What do you think" says the rabbi,
"that I do this for free?"
says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts
today."
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend.
"How did you do that?"
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I
performed three marriages."
The friend looks at him quizically.
"Seven?" he asks.
"I could understand six, but..."
"What do you think" says the rabbi,
"that I do this for free?"
••
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a
visit to her obstetrician's office.
When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My
husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a
reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that
all the time.
Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
visit to her obstetrician's office.
When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My
husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a
reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that
all the time.
Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
••
A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of
Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely
necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class
one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a
positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a
double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language wherein a double
positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up,
"Yeah, right."
Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely
necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class
one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a
positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a
double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language wherein a double
positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up,
"Yeah, right."
••
I'm about three years into my relationship now and
I've started to have erection difficulties.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what
the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I bought her a treadmill.
I've started to have erection difficulties.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what
the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I bought her a treadmill.
••
I was reading this article the other day, and it said,
The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make
love in a car wash.
Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not.
But it is the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make
love in a car wash.
Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not.
But it is the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
••
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to
get out. --Montaigne
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to
get out. --Montaigne
••
My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her
clothes back.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her
clothes back.
••
It's amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car,
yet are unable to understand the dishwasher.
yet are unable to understand the dishwasher.
••••
