••
♥
SIGN INSIDE OF LIFEBOAT:
"Some wetness is normal.
If submersion occurs, move arms in a swimming
motion."
"Some wetness is normal.
If submersion occurs, move arms in a swimming
motion."
••
Quote:
"I'd love to go out with you but I've got a Friends
of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting..."
"I'd love to go out with you but I've got a Friends
of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting..."
••
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to
figure out what to do with the old one for the
next 10,000 years.
change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to
figure out what to do with the old one for the
next 10,000 years.
••
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the
fine points of balancing his new checking
account.
"The bank returned the check you wrote to the
sporting goods store," she said.
"Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy
some stereo equipment!"
fine points of balancing his new checking
account.
"The bank returned the check you wrote to the
sporting goods store," she said.
"Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy
some stereo equipment!"
••
Quote:
Society is like a stew.
If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of
scum on top. - Edward Abbey
Society is like a stew.
If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of
scum on top. - Edward Abbey
••
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and
asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith.
Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter
Smiths..... Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has
blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with
another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward.
"Take her to Whirling Walter!"
asked to join her former husband, Walter Smith.
Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter
Smiths..... Give us a little clue."
The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has
blue eyes, and he said that if I ever slept with
another man he'd turn over in his grave."
Saint Peter motioned an angel forward.
"Take her to Whirling Walter!"
••
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my
weird pasta touching fetish...
I'm feeling cannelloni right now...
weird pasta touching fetish...
I'm feeling cannelloni right now...
••
Husband and wife had a fight.
The Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought
with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake.
I am coming to live with you.”
The Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought
with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake.
I am coming to live with you.”
••
Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy),
Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain
waiting for transport to prison.
"If thisis the way Queen Victoria treats her
prisoners," he remarked," she doesn't deserve to
have any."
Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain
waiting for transport to prison.
"If thisis the way Queen Victoria treats her
prisoners," he remarked," she doesn't deserve to
have any."
••
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told
his wife the good news:
“Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy
what we started saving for in 1979.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?”
she asked eagerly.
“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
his wife the good news:
“Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy
what we started saving for in 1979.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?”
she asked eagerly.
“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
••
A Chinese man is making love to his wife.
He whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna' 69!"
She gives him a strange look and replies,
"You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"
He whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna' 69!"
She gives him a strange look and replies,
"You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"
••
I dropped an egg on a concrete floor
and it didn't even crack.
I think this is because concrete is hard and not
easily damaged.
and it didn't even crack.
I think this is because concrete is hard and not
easily damaged.
••
Class teacher: “Children, we going to have a lesson
on the sun tomorrow.
Everyone must attend.”
One small boy: “Miss, I can’t.”
Teacher: “Why is that?”
The little boy: “I am sure my mother will not allow
me to go that far without her.”
on the sun tomorrow.
Everyone must attend.”
One small boy: “Miss, I can’t.”
Teacher: “Why is that?”
The little boy: “I am sure my mother will not allow
me to go that far without her.”
••••
