••
♥
Just a warning: I'm not giving any candy to a kid
who says "trick or twerk."
who says "trick or twerk."
••
What part of a man't body should never move
when he is dancing?
His bowels.
when he is dancing?
His bowels.
••
One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist
fight.
You know how you know when you lost a fight
to your woman?
When the cops come to your house and ask you
do you want to press charges.
Thats how you know it didnt go as you planned.
fight.
You know how you know when you lost a fight
to your woman?
When the cops come to your house and ask you
do you want to press charges.
Thats how you know it didnt go as you planned.
••
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's
supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how
cold is it going to be?
supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how
cold is it going to be?
••
"My body, by my own admission,"
I told him, "is in top condition."
I said with a snigger,
"I worship my figure."
Then he tried to embrace my religion.
I told him, "is in top condition."
I said with a snigger,
"I worship my figure."
Then he tried to embrace my religion.
••
Pundits say President Obama is starting to lose
support from his own party.
To give you an idea how bad it’s gotten, today
Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
support from his own party.
To give you an idea how bad it’s gotten, today
Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.
••
Michele's son was attending the Cub Scout meeting.
One of the other parents there asked what was
going to happen Thanksgiving week -- was there
going to be a meeting or not.
The Scout Leader replied, (no kidding), "We'll just
have to see what day Thanksgiving falls on this year.
One of the other parents there asked what was
going to happen Thanksgiving week -- was there
going to be a meeting or not.
The Scout Leader replied, (no kidding), "We'll just
have to see what day Thanksgiving falls on this year.
••
Syrian President Assad told Fox News that if he
were ever to talk to President Obama he would tell
Obama to “listen to your people."
Is he the one to give advice about listening to his
people?
His people are shooting at him!
were ever to talk to President Obama he would tell
Obama to “listen to your people."
Is he the one to give advice about listening to his
people?
His people are shooting at him!
••
KIEV, Ukraine (Reuters) -- A Ukraine businessman
who bought a pager for each member of his staff as
a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of
them went off at the same time that he drove his
car into a lamp post, a newspaper said on Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from the
pager shop when the accident happened,
the Fakty daily reported.
"With no more than 100 meters to go to the office,
the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly burst out
screeching.
The businessman's fright was such that he simply
let go of the steering wheel and the the car ploughed
]into a lamp post."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the
businessman turned his attention to the message
on the 50 pagers.
It read: "Congratulations on a successful purchase!
who bought a pager for each member of his staff as
a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of
them went off at the same time that he drove his
car into a lamp post, a newspaper said on Thursday.
The unnamed businessman was returning from the
pager shop when the accident happened,
the Fakty daily reported.
"With no more than 100 meters to go to the office,
the 50 pagers on the back seat suddenly burst out
screeching.
The businessman's fright was such that he simply
let go of the steering wheel and the the car ploughed
]into a lamp post."
After he had assessed the damage to the car, the
businessman turned his attention to the message
on the 50 pagers.
It read: "Congratulations on a successful purchase!
••
There's just no pleasin' some women at all.
Just the other day I was trying to read the paper
and naturally, my wife picked that moment to
begin a discussion.
I heard her say "...and then I went to see Dr. Gibbons."
I grunted a reply, and she raised her voice saying,
"Are you listening to me?"
I put the paper down and said, "Yes sweetheart,
I heard every word.
You said you went to see Dr. Gibbons.
So... how is he ???"
Would y'all believe she didn't talk to me the rest
of the evening ?
Women ! Who can figure 'em out ?
Just the other day I was trying to read the paper
and naturally, my wife picked that moment to
begin a discussion.
I heard her say "...and then I went to see Dr. Gibbons."
I grunted a reply, and she raised her voice saying,
"Are you listening to me?"
I put the paper down and said, "Yes sweetheart,
I heard every word.
You said you went to see Dr. Gibbons.
So... how is he ???"
Would y'all believe she didn't talk to me the rest
of the evening ?
Women ! Who can figure 'em out ?
••
In the Garden of Eden they dwelt;
And on his right knee, Adam knelt.
He said to his Eve
"Do you really love me?"
And that's when she answered, "Who else?"
And on his right knee, Adam knelt.
He said to his Eve
"Do you really love me?"
And that's when she answered, "Who else?"
••
Now that the kids are grown and gone,
my wife sez she needs more "outside interests".
I thought I'd surprise her and presented her with a
brand new fancy lawn mower, just the other day.
Now, she's mad with me..........
••
My wife just came to the door in a sexy nitey.
Too bad she was just getting home....
Too bad she was just getting home....
••••
