••
♥
"Mom, I'm pregnant."
"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?"
"That I should take measures.
That's what I did!
I took measures and then went with the biggest."
••
A gladiator was having a rough Monday at the
arena. His opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as
furiously as he could.
But when his opponent lopped off both of his feet,
the gladiator had no choice but to give up.
He was now both unarmed and defeated.
••
Since light travels faster than sound, is that
why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
••
Last month, about 8,000 Elvis Presley fans flocked
to Graceland to commemorate the 21st anniversary of his death.
In a related item, viewership on the Home Shopping
Network was down 50% Saturday.
••
Was just reading an article on Heavy Drinking.
Scared the shit out of me...so that's it, after tonight,no more reading!
••
If your wifes' cat ever brought A snake into the
house and she tried to shoot the garden snake with a 357 Saturday night special...
Your wife might be A redneck...
••
Do you ever wonder... since when you receive an
item from ups and/or fedex the item you receive is packed in foam, well...when you send foam to
someone or receive it what do they pack it in???
••
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off of a 200-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
••
Jenn says her husband worked with this guy at the
high school.The guy wanted to measure the wall and he asked
Mike (my husband) for some assistance.
Mike said, "why not use the yardstick over there?"
The guy looked at Mike and, very serious,
said, "I can't use that.
The wall is longer than the yardstick."
••
Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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