••
♥
Betty, who was pursuing her MBA in Finance at
Harvard, had become too busy with her studies,
classes, projects and part-time job.
She realized how long she had been out of touch
with her parents when she received the following
e-mail from her mother:
"Dear Betty, your father and I enjoyed your last
e-mail.
Of course, we were much younger then, and more
impressionable...... Love, Mom."
••
Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap
she had?
Yeah...I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a
field goal!
she had?
Yeah...I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a
field goal!
••
Most all husbands can testify
To a wedding they cannot deny.
'Cause they know where and when
They got married, but then,
What exactly escapes them is why.
To a wedding they cannot deny.
'Cause they know where and when
They got married, but then,
What exactly escapes them is why.
••
There was this man in a mental hospital.
All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen.
The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day.
So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy
was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.
He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said,
"I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know.
It's been like that for weeks...
There was this man in a mental hospital.
All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen.
The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day.
So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy
was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.
He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental patient and said,
"I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know.
It's been like that for weeks...
••
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking
in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,"
she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he
said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty
foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are
you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,"
she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he
said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty
foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are
you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
••
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.
••
Old Mendel Rugelbaum was very old and suffering
from a rare disease and could drink only human
milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the
doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe
she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his
daily feed.
Ruby was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in
spite of herself, gradually became aroused as
Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered
to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes
aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel.
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips...... "Maybe a cookie?"
from a rare disease and could drink only human
milk.
"How can I get human milk?" Mendel asked the
doctor.
"Well, Ruby Finkelstein's just had a baby, maybe
she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ruby's house for his
daily feed.
Ruby was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in
spite of herself, gradually became aroused as
Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay sucking, she whispered
to him, " Tell me Mr. Rugelbaum, do you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there....," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes
aglow, "is there anything else you'd like?"
"As a matter of fact there is," murmured Mendel.
"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips...... "Maybe a cookie?"
••
Some kids play Kick the can.
Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
••
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.
••
An old lady owned two monkeys.
One day they both died, so she took them to the
taxidermist.
"So you want them mounted?" asked the
taxidermist.
To which she replied: "No.
Holding hands will do just fine."
One day they both died, so she took them to the
taxidermist.
"So you want them mounted?" asked the
taxidermist.
To which she replied: "No.
Holding hands will do just fine."
••••
