••
♥
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink
whatever comes out."
••
“The trampoline was on sale for fifty per cent off.
Needless to say I jumped on the offer.”
Needless to say I jumped on the offer.”
••
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at
breakfast.
"You aren't good in bed either! he shouted and stormed
off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends
and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
'What took you so long to answer?'
'I was in bed.'
'What were you doing in bed this late?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
breakfast.
"You aren't good in bed either! he shouted and stormed
off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends
and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
'What took you so long to answer?'
'I was in bed.'
'What were you doing in bed this late?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
••
You're not yourself today......
I noticed the improvement immediately.
I noticed the improvement immediately.
••
“Did you hear about the crime that happened in a
parking garage?
It was wrong on so many levels.”
parking garage?
It was wrong on so many levels.”
••
I went for a job interview with the FBI.
I thought I'd blown the observation test when they'd
played this graphic video with two agents giving this
Pakistani a good beating.
It was so violent that I winced and dropped my coffee.
"Now what can you tell me about what you've seen?"
asked the interviewer.
"I'm really sorry but nothing much at all because I was
cleaning up the coffee."
"Good man, you've got the job."
I thought I'd blown the observation test when they'd
played this graphic video with two agents giving this
Pakistani a good beating.
It was so violent that I winced and dropped my coffee.
"Now what can you tell me about what you've seen?"
asked the interviewer.
"I'm really sorry but nothing much at all because I was
cleaning up the coffee."
"Good man, you've got the job."
••
I'm in hospital !
I ate what I thought was onion but it was a daffodil bulb...
Doctors say i'll be out in the spring !
I ate what I thought was onion but it was a daffodil bulb...
Doctors say i'll be out in the spring !
••
A man walks into a police station and asks to speak to
the burglar who broke into his house the night before.
"I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,”
says the duty officer.
“No, you don’t understand,” says the man.
“I want to know how he got in the house without waking
the wife.
I've been trying to do that for years.”
the burglar who broke into his house the night before.
"I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,”
says the duty officer.
“No, you don’t understand,” says the man.
“I want to know how he got in the house without waking
the wife.
I've been trying to do that for years.”
••
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says
she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that’s no reason to
be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you
and daddy had to make me yourselves!"
she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that’s no reason to
be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you
and daddy had to make me yourselves!"
••
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day.
The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty
in hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"
The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty
in hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"
••••
