••
♥
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks
down.
He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.
About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds
and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of
his trunk!
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the
back."
down.
He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.
About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds
and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of
his trunk!
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the
back."
••
Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a
Western or English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
"Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't."
"Just get the one without the horn.
I don't think we'll run into too much traffic out here."
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a
Western or English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
"Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't."
"Just get the one without the horn.
I don't think we'll run into too much traffic out here."
••
I was told by my Doctor that I have dementia.
But I'm going to see my Doctor about it.
But I'm going to see my Doctor about it.
••
The young lesbian couple next door never close their
bedroom curtains.
I must be the world's unluckiest gay man.
bedroom curtains.
I must be the world's unluckiest gay man.
••
I've just introduced myself to my new elderly neighbor.
"I'm Greg from next door," I said, "If you ever need any
help with the garden, or help with a problem around the
house,
then please don't ask me, I'm a lazy bum."
"I'm Greg from next door," I said, "If you ever need any
help with the garden, or help with a problem around the
house,
then please don't ask me, I'm a lazy bum."
••
She said ,
"I LOVE U"
I said
OH! my GOD !
Wt a co-incidence !
i love me too !... Attitude u know... !
"I LOVE U"
I said
OH! my GOD !
Wt a co-incidence !
i love me too !... Attitude u know... !
••
Church Bulletin Bloopers....
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -
Up Yours."
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -
Up Yours."
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to
come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
••
Q: How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?
A: Melon-collie!
A: Melon-collie!
••
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon:
with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in
the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and
announced with a smile, "For our closing song,
let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in
the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and
announced with a smile, "For our closing song,
let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
••
Q: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair
of headphones?
A: Hush puppies!
of headphones?
A: Hush puppies!
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