STOP,STOP!
Cheese burger pizza.....
••
♥
Most folks would rather check their Facebook,
than face their checkbook.
than face their checkbook.
••
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
••
My wife called me at the bar the other night and in an
effort to entice me home she said, "Hey sexy, just wanted
to let you know there's a naked woman lying in your bed
waiting for you."
"You two get started and I'll be home soon" definitely
wasn't the answer she was looking for...
effort to entice me home she said, "Hey sexy, just wanted
to let you know there's a naked woman lying in your bed
waiting for you."
"You two get started and I'll be home soon" definitely
wasn't the answer she was looking for...
••
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy
nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy
nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.
••
My wife wanted one of those big-screen TVs for her
birthday.
I just moved her chair closer to the one we already have.
birthday.
I just moved her chair closer to the one we already have.
••
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi dear I will be getting home a bit late today,
Could you please try to do my lundries and prepare my
favorite dish before I return?"
After waiting 15min with no response.....
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to add that I got an 80% increase in my
salary and at the end of the month I'm getting you a
new car"
She text back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied.........
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
"Hi dear I will be getting home a bit late today,
Could you please try to do my lundries and prepare my
favorite dish before I return?"
After waiting 15min with no response.....
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to add that I got an 80% increase in my
salary and at the end of the month I'm getting you a
new car"
She text back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied.........
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
••
Smoking reefer didn't cause him to fail,
And that Lewinsky affair is a tale.
These two things they will name,
When the defense makes its claim,
That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale.
And that Lewinsky affair is a tale.
These two things they will name,
When the defense makes its claim,
That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale.
○○
When Gus was a kid....
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid.
A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when
it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a
dime.
By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid.
A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when
it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a
dime.
By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
••
If there's one thing I learned growing up,
it's that everyone has to pay for their own mistakes.
Except for the government.
Somehow you have to pay for theirs too.
it's that everyone has to pay for their own mistakes.
Except for the government.
Somehow you have to pay for theirs too.
••••
