••
♥
Sher was telling her girlfriend Sue about the gent she
met on a trip to Vegas.
"He took me to his condo overlooking the strip in Vegas,
we had some wine and then he showed me all these
expensive jewels.
There was an emerald cut diamond of at least five carats,
a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch
with eleven carats."
"Impressive." said Sue.
"Well... yes." Sher agreed.
"But the downside was that with all those carats,
he expected me to behave like a rabbit."
met on a trip to Vegas.
"He took me to his condo overlooking the strip in Vegas,
we had some wine and then he showed me all these
expensive jewels.
There was an emerald cut diamond of at least five carats,
a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch
with eleven carats."
"Impressive." said Sue.
"Well... yes." Sher agreed.
"But the downside was that with all those carats,
he expected me to behave like a rabbit."
••
"True terror is waking up and finding that your high
school class is running this country!"
school class is running this country!"
••
Yup! Show and Tell is always a good source of humor.
This 1st grader demonstrated his cool purple slingshot
with a little piece of wadded up paper.
He was well-practiced, but couldn't understand why his
teacher couldn't seem to stop laughing.
"Where did you find that?"
Looking slightly ashamed, he answered.
"In my sister's drawer."
"Well," she tried to answer with some dignity.
"Don't forget to give it back to her then."
"Okay."..... He answered, apparantly appeased that
he wasn't going to get in trouble.
"Just don't do it at dinnertime."
Then she mentally smacked herself.
Shouldn't have opened that--
"Why not?"
Twenty innocent faces looked up at her for a good answer.
How do you explain why he shouldn't hand his sister back
her thong at the dinner table?
This 1st grader demonstrated his cool purple slingshot
with a little piece of wadded up paper.
He was well-practiced, but couldn't understand why his
teacher couldn't seem to stop laughing.
"Where did you find that?"
Looking slightly ashamed, he answered.
"In my sister's drawer."
"Well," she tried to answer with some dignity.
"Don't forget to give it back to her then."
"Okay."..... He answered, apparantly appeased that
he wasn't going to get in trouble.
"Just don't do it at dinnertime."
Then she mentally smacked herself.
Shouldn't have opened that--
"Why not?"
Twenty innocent faces looked up at her for a good answer.
How do you explain why he shouldn't hand his sister back
her thong at the dinner table?
••
My wife was so happy to hear how much I donate
to charity
..until she found out Charity works at Hooters.
to charity
..until she found out Charity works at Hooters.
••
Hv you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?
the woman asked her husband.
"No"...said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into
the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and
pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her .....
and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"...
She then asked her husband?
"Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his
voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt,
and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...
And pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill...
And started breathing a little quicker with anticipation..
"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $30,000 Dollars
all crumpled up?"
"No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more
aroused... And excited).
"Well go look in the garage!"...she said....
the woman asked her husband.
"No"...said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or
4 buttons of her blouse...and slowly reached down into
the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...and
pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her .....
and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"...
She then asked her husband?
"Uh...no, I haven't" ...he said (with an anxious tone in his
voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt,
and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...
And pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill...
And started breathing a little quicker with anticipation..
"Now" ...she said. "Have you ever seen $30,000 Dollars
all crumpled up?"
"No way" ...he said (while obviously becoming even more
aroused... And excited).
"Well go look in the garage!"...she said....
••
I went back to see my doctor today.
I said, "I applied the cream to my nuts that you gave me
this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."
"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.
I said, "On the bus."
I said, "I applied the cream to my nuts that you gave me
this morning and I got a very nasty reaction."
"Where exactly did you apply it?" he asked.
I said, "On the bus."
••
I was doing my Football checklist yesterday afternoon.
I’ve got 500 cans of beer, 24 bottles of Jack Daniels and
enough chips and party snacks to choke an elephant.
I’ve bought new bean bags for the front room, a 50" wall
mounted plasma television and a new massaging
armchair for myself.
I’ve booked a whole month off work, invited my friends
round for every game and got my Jersey ready.
All in all I was feeling pretty damn proud.
Until I realized the most important thing......
I had forgotten to kill the wife .
I’ve got 500 cans of beer, 24 bottles of Jack Daniels and
enough chips and party snacks to choke an elephant.
I’ve bought new bean bags for the front room, a 50" wall
mounted plasma television and a new massaging
armchair for myself.
I’ve booked a whole month off work, invited my friends
round for every game and got my Jersey ready.
All in all I was feeling pretty damn proud.
Until I realized the most important thing......
I had forgotten to kill the wife .
••
The NFL announced today that for financial reasons,
they had to eliminate one team from the league.
So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers
and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team,
causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in
costs.
They will be known as the TAMPACKS.
they had to eliminate one team from the league.
So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers
and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team,
causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in
costs.
They will be known as the TAMPACKS.
Unfortunately,
they're only good for one period and have no second
string!
they're only good for one period and have no second
string!
••
Sue was walking down the street with her husband earlier
when he accused her of being ashamed to be seen with
him.
"That is total bs" she replied.
By text, from across the road.
when he accused her of being ashamed to be seen with
him.
"That is total bs" she replied.
By text, from across the road.
••••
