••
♥
They say..... `Why don't you make jokes about Obama?'
And I say, `All right, I'll tell you why.
I don't make jokes about him because I don't want the
FBI tapping my phone,"' he said.
And I say, `All right, I'll tell you why.
I don't make jokes about him because I don't want the
FBI tapping my phone,"' he said.
••
Why blondes don't eat banana?
because they can't find the zipper!!!..........
because they can't find the zipper!!!..........
••
Husband was throwing knives at his wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you
doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you
doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
••
On their honeymoon,
the blond bride slipped into a sexy nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed,
only to find her new catholic husband had settled down
on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to
make love to her, he replied, It's Lent.
In tears, she sobbed, Well, that is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?
the blond bride slipped into a sexy nightie and,
with great anticipation, crawled into bed,
only to find her new catholic husband had settled down
on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to
make love to her, he replied, It's Lent.
In tears, she sobbed, Well, that is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?
••
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy,
we wonder why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy,
we wonder why.
••
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me -
I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
••
Four guys had been going on an annual fishing trip for
years.
This year one of their wives threw her husband a copy of
50 Shades Of Gray.
"Read this" she said.
"I fancy some kinky sex with you instead of your fishing
trip"
So he read the book.
"Now I'm going to tear all your clothes off!" he said.
And he did.
"Now I'm going to tie you up!" he said.
"Yes!" cried the wife
"and he tied her up
"Now I'm going to chain you to the bed!" he said.
"Yes! Yes!" She cried.
"And then what are you going to do?" she asked
expectantly.
"And now I'm going fishing..."
years.
This year one of their wives threw her husband a copy of
50 Shades Of Gray.
"Read this" she said.
"I fancy some kinky sex with you instead of your fishing
trip"
So he read the book.
"Now I'm going to tear all your clothes off!" he said.
And he did.
"Now I'm going to tie you up!" he said.
"Yes!" cried the wife
"and he tied her up
"Now I'm going to chain you to the bed!" he said.
"Yes! Yes!" She cried.
"And then what are you going to do?" she asked
expectantly.
"And now I'm going fishing..."
••
Today I saw my wife crying and praying for her mother's
recovery.
I went over and said, "Stop praying..... It doesn't work."
"How do you know?" she sobbed.
"If it worked," I said, "She would have been dead a long
time ago."
recovery.
I went over and said, "Stop praying..... It doesn't work."
"How do you know?" she sobbed.
"If it worked," I said, "She would have been dead a long
time ago."
••
The other day, my Grandpa was telling me that he always
uses valet parking.
When I asked why, he replied that valets at least
remember where they park your car.
The other day, my Grandpa was telling me that he always
uses valet parking.
When I asked why, he replied that valets at least
remember where they park your car.
••
A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the
patient that he has good news and bad news.
He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after
you."
patient that he has good news and bad news.
He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after
you."
••••
