••
♥
I've designed a plane made entirely from rubber,
so that when it crashes, it bounces.
It's a Boing 747.
so that when it crashes, it bounces.
It's a Boing 747.
••
Doc....
My body is turning really good beer and wine into
urine doc.................what's wrong with me ??????
My body is turning really good beer and wine into
urine doc.................what's wrong with me ??????
••
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker,
my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman."
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker,
my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman."
••
My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.
We now sell smoothies.
We now sell smoothies.
••
Three drunks hailed a taxi.
The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they
got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off,
and said we are here.
The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but
the 3rd guy slapped him.
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that
none of them would have realized the car didn't move an
inch.
So what was that for, he asked.
Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.
The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they
got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off,
and said we are here.
The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but
the 3rd guy slapped him.
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that
none of them would have realized the car didn't move an
inch.
So what was that for, he asked.
Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.
••
How can you tell if an elephant has had safe sex in your
yard?
Your trash can liner is missing.
How can you tell if an elephant has had safe sex in your
yard?
Your trash can liner is missing.
••
A drunk walks into a bar, orders a glass of whisky, takes
several gulps and... dies a sudden death.
In Heaven he begs of God, "Please, bring me back to the
bar for a moment.
I just want to finish drinking.
There is still half a glass of whisky left.
You can even turn me into a fly or a spider, only let me
drink it up."
So God agrees, turns the drunk into a spider and take
him back to the bar.
The drunk finds himself on the bar ceiling, just right
over the unfinished glass of whiskey.
"How can I reach for it from here?", the drunk asks God.
"You are a spider, aren't you? So you can produce a web. Exert yourself and it'll come out of you, so you can go down to your glass."
The drunk exerts himself and a web really begins to
come out of him.
He exerts himself again and again, going down to the
glass.
All of a sudden the web stops.
"What should I do now? I'm doing my best, but there is
no more web!"
"Exert yourself as hard as you can!", God advises.
The drunk makes one more effort with his last bit of
strength and... Suddenly he feels someone tap on his
shoulder... and hears his wife's voice,
"John, wake up! You've SHIT your pants!!!!!"
several gulps and... dies a sudden death.
In Heaven he begs of God, "Please, bring me back to the
bar for a moment.
I just want to finish drinking.
There is still half a glass of whisky left.
You can even turn me into a fly or a spider, only let me
drink it up."
So God agrees, turns the drunk into a spider and take
him back to the bar.
The drunk finds himself on the bar ceiling, just right
over the unfinished glass of whiskey.
"How can I reach for it from here?", the drunk asks God.
"You are a spider, aren't you? So you can produce a web. Exert yourself and it'll come out of you, so you can go down to your glass."
The drunk exerts himself and a web really begins to
come out of him.
He exerts himself again and again, going down to the
glass.
All of a sudden the web stops.
"What should I do now? I'm doing my best, but there is
no more web!"
"Exert yourself as hard as you can!", God advises.
The drunk makes one more effort with his last bit of
strength and... Suddenly he feels someone tap on his
shoulder... and hears his wife's voice,
"John, wake up! You've SHIT your pants!!!!!"
••
Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?
A: They can both drive you crazy.
A: They can both drive you crazy.
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