••
♥
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher..
on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher..
••
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the
poodle suddenly unloads on his friend.
“My life is a mess,” he says.
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a
schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle..... “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
poodle suddenly unloads on his friend.
“My life is a mess,” he says.
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a
schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle..... “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
••
The guy walked into the bar (ouch) looking like he'd been
run over by a truck.
His hair was matted, his face bloody and scratched, his
clothes torn.
His friends bought him a beer, then asked, "What
happened?"
The guy chugged the beer and said, "I was fighting for
Joanne's virginity."
"No kidding?"
"Yeah. But that little tiger was determined to keep it."
••
I tried erotic suffocation on the wife the other night when
we were having sex.
She obviously didn't like it, she's been lying there for
5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!
we were having sex.
She obviously didn't like it, she's been lying there for
5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!
••
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,
hurricanes to swirl around & no one teaches a man how
to choose a wife.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
hurricanes to swirl around & no one teaches a man how
to choose a wife.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
••
Sam had been feeling down for so long that he finally
decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
Sam went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then
waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to
make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some
notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with
a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and
said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem.
It is very common among losers."
decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
Sam went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then
waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to
make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some
notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with
a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and
said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem.
It is very common among losers."
••
Boy asks his new hot step mother:
"What do you feed your baby?"
Step mother: "Milk and orange juice."
Boy: "Which side is orange juice?"
"What do you feed your baby?"
Step mother: "Milk and orange juice."
Boy: "Which side is orange juice?"
••
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store
one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for
his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a
$5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want
something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock
and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the
old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to
verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"
he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old
man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the
weekend I had?"
one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for
his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a
$5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want
something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock
and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body
trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the
old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to
verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"
he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old
man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the
weekend I had?"
••
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?...... Too bitter
••
I'm jealous of my parents.
I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
••••
I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
••••
