••
♥
I yelled to my neighbor, "I've locked my keys in my car
and my children are inside."
My neighbour said, "Do you have a spare set?"
I said, "Yeah, I've got two sons with my ex-wife."
and my children are inside."
My neighbour said, "Do you have a spare set?"
I said, "Yeah, I've got two sons with my ex-wife."
••
A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.
She is taken into an examining room and waits for the
doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and
finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman,
"Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining
table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both
breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough
examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor
says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry.
You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds:
"Well of course I don't."
"I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"
She is taken into an examining room and waits for the
doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and
finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman,
"Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examining
table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both
breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough
examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor
says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry.
You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds:
"Well of course I don't."
"I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"
••
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, "No change yet."
hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, "No change yet."
••
An airline ticket office in C-ville reminds you:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL
DIRECTIONS......
An airline ticket office in C-ville reminds you:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL
DIRECTIONS......
••
It's Joe's 65th birthday and he makes a resolution to get
his body back into shape.
He gets his physician's approval to join a gym and takes
up an aerobics class for the elderly.
He bends, twists, gyrates, hops and perspires for an hour.
But, by the time Joe got his leotards on, he realized the
class is over.
his body back into shape.
He gets his physician's approval to join a gym and takes
up an aerobics class for the elderly.
He bends, twists, gyrates, hops and perspires for an hour.
But, by the time Joe got his leotards on, he realized the
class is over.
••
Elevator jobs...
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
••
Building Security has notified us that there have been
5 suspected terrorists working at our office.
Four of the five have been apprehended.
Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping, and Bin Surfing
have been taken into custody.
Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the
description of the fifth cell member, Bin Working,
in the office.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like Bin
Working will be very easy to spot.
They thought they had apprehended Bin Working sitting
at a desk, but it was actually Bin Surfing trying to
impersonate Bin Working.
5 suspected terrorists working at our office.
Four of the five have been apprehended.
Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping, and Bin Surfing
have been taken into custody.
Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the
description of the fifth cell member, Bin Working,
in the office.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like Bin
Working will be very easy to spot.
They thought they had apprehended Bin Working sitting
at a desk, but it was actually Bin Surfing trying to
impersonate Bin Working.
••
Why can't elephants ride tricycles?
They don't have any fingers to ring the little bell.
They don't have any fingers to ring the little bell.
••
Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file.
The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes,
then reappears shortly thereafter.
A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to
be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail.
The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to
start anything by bringing it up.
Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same
place.
He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him,
"Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"
The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that.
I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of
my mouth."
The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes,
then reappears shortly thereafter.
A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to
be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail.
The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to
start anything by bringing it up.
Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same
place.
He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him,
"Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"
The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that.
I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of
my mouth."
••
A guy was searching the dictionary for the word
"Dictionary."
He found this meaning: "Dictionary is the thing you are
holding, stupid."
"Dictionary."
He found this meaning: "Dictionary is the thing you are
holding, stupid."
Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched
for the word stupid, and found: "Is that you again?"
for the word stupid, and found: "Is that you again?"
••••
