••
♥
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents
young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure,
money, and beautiful women.
I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door.
His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said?
I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father.
"If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure,
money, and beautiful women.
I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.
Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door.
His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said?
I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father.
"If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
••
My wife asked me to act out my wildest fantasies.
So I filed for divorce.
So I filed for divorce.
••
I went into the kitchen this morning and found my wife
face down not breathing.
I panicked! Didn't know what to do!!!!!!
Then I remembered McDonalds does breakfast till 10:30!
face down not breathing.
I panicked! Didn't know what to do!!!!!!
Then I remembered McDonalds does breakfast till 10:30!
••
A graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks,
"How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
A graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks,
"How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
••
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
••
A Scotsman walking... through a field, sees a man
drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full
Oâ coos Sharn'! (Don't drink the water, it's full of cow
s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English,
I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll
get more in.'
drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full
Oâ coos Sharn'! (Don't drink the water, it's full of cow
s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English,
I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll
get more in.'
••
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it.
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it.
••
I wanted a cigar but they were too expensive.
I rolled some tobacco in a piece of brown construction
paper........ It was close, but no cigar.
I rolled some tobacco in a piece of brown construction
paper........ It was close, but no cigar.
••
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on
his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious
to show off his newly acquired skill.
He told the uncle to ask him and addition question.
So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said,
"Seven."
The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your
hands because someday when you are in school,
a teacher will get mad at you for it.
Now put your hands in your pockets."
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his
uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"
The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the
boy said, "Eleven."
his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious
to show off his newly acquired skill.
He told the uncle to ask him and addition question.
So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"
The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said,
"Seven."
The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your
hands because someday when you are in school,
a teacher will get mad at you for it.
Now put your hands in your pockets."
So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his
uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"
The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the
boy said, "Eleven."
••
A woman, while touring a small South American country
was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."
The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?"
"No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two
sport."
was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."
The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?"
"No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two
sport."
••••
