••
♥
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous -
everyone hasn't met me yet.
He said I was being ridiculous -
everyone hasn't met me yet.
••
Wife: Why are you home so early?
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell....
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell....
••
Three guys are debating who has the best memory.
The first guy says, "I can remember the first day of my
First Grade class."
The second guy says, "I can remember my first day at
Nursery School !"
Not to be outdone , the third guy says, "Hell, that's
nothing.
I can remember going to the drive in with my father,
and coming home with my mother."
The first guy says, "I can remember the first day of my
First Grade class."
The second guy says, "I can remember my first day at
Nursery School !"
Not to be outdone , the third guy says, "Hell, that's
nothing.
I can remember going to the drive in with my father,
and coming home with my mother."
••
What's the most musical part of your body?
Your nose.
You can pick it and you can blow it!
Your nose.
You can pick it and you can blow it!
••
A stockbroker was nervous about being in
prison because his cellmate looked like a real badass.
"Don't worry," the tough looking thug said,
"I'm in here for a white collar crime too."
"Well, that's a relief," sighed the stockbroker.
"I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading."
"Oh nothing like that for me," grinned the convict.
"I just murdered a couple of priests."
prison because his cellmate looked like a real badass.
"Don't worry," the tough looking thug said,
"I'm in here for a white collar crime too."
"Well, that's a relief," sighed the stockbroker.
"I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading."
"Oh nothing like that for me," grinned the convict.
"I just murdered a couple of priests."
••
A doctor who does colonoscopies has to work around
assholes all day!
A doctor who does colonoscopies has to work around
assholes all day!
••
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with
his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on
my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the
floor again?"
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with
his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on
my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the
floor again?"
••
Never date a tennis player; to them love means NOTHING.
••
I'm having a hard time.... determining the mood of my
girlfriend, so I bought her a mood ring.
We have discovered that when she is in a good mood,
the ring turns green.
And when she is in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark
on my forehead.
girlfriend, so I bought her a mood ring.
We have discovered that when she is in a good mood,
the ring turns green.
And when she is in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark
on my forehead.
••
Dear Students, I know when you're texting in class.
Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and
smiles.
Sincerely,
Your Teacher
Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and
smiles.
Sincerely,
Your Teacher
••
