••
♥
I met this homeless secret agent,
The names Bond... Vagabond.
The names Bond... Vagabond.
••
Resolving to surprise her husband,
an executive's wife
stopped by his office.
She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion,
gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to
operate this office with just one chair.
stopped by his office.
She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion,
gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to
operate this office with just one chair.
••
I worked 48 hrs straight and stumbled home from my lab.
I was so beat that when my Jewish girlfriend stopped in,
I said, "Hey baby, how 'bout if we just sleep together
tonight and not have sex?"
And she said, "Sorry, honey, but I'm saving that for
the man I marry."
I was so beat that when my Jewish girlfriend stopped in,
I said, "Hey baby, how 'bout if we just sleep together
tonight and not have sex?"
And she said, "Sorry, honey, but I'm saving that for
the man I marry."
••
Redneck tips;
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the
floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Redneck tips;
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the
floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck
keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
money.
AMNESIA:
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.
••
A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert,
comes to visit a friend.
He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one
day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but
doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks.
It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive
some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and
some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's
house attending a party one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle
whistling.
He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and
proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
sees what's happened and asks the desert man,
"Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies,
"Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
comes to visit a friend.
He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one
day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but
doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks.
It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive
some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and
some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's
house attending a party one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle
whistling.
He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and
proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
sees what's happened and asks the desert man,
"Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies,
"Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
••
My girlfriend said, "I hate it when you finish my
sentences."
So I said, "Period."
sentences."
So I said, "Period."
••
My friend's eyesight is chit and he wears the thickest
magnifying glasses.
He invited me over to view his new 52" flat screen TV.
I didn't have the heart to tell him.
It's a 14" portable.
magnifying glasses.
He invited me over to view his new 52" flat screen TV.
I didn't have the heart to tell him.
It's a 14" portable.
••
Taco Bell doesn't have a playground, because
it's hard to have fun when you might chit your pants at
any minute.
it's hard to have fun when you might chit your pants at
any minute.
••
I just was just taking some stuff out of the attic and
found a present I forgot to give my kids last year at
Christmas...
pity because I know they would have loved a kitten..
found a present I forgot to give my kids last year at
Christmas...
pity because I know they would have loved a kitten..
••••
