••
♥
I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into
a mobile phone.
One minute, a Kia.
Next minute, Nokia.
a mobile phone.
One minute, a Kia.
Next minute, Nokia.
••
Jim is weighing himself in the bathroom, sucking
in his stomach, when his wife comes in and says
sarcastically, "That's not going to help."
Jim says, "It does help, it's the only way I can see
the numbers."
in his stomach, when his wife comes in and says
sarcastically, "That's not going to help."
Jim says, "It does help, it's the only way I can see
the numbers."
••
During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was
invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried
chicken was served.
Returning for a second helping, he asked politely,
"May I have some breast?"
"Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country
we ask for white meat or dark meat."
Churchill apologized profusely.
The following morning, the lady received a
magnificent orchid from her guest of honor.
The accompanying card read: "I would be most
obliged if you would pin this on your white meat."
During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was
invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried
chicken was served.
Returning for a second helping, he asked politely,
"May I have some breast?"
"Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country
we ask for white meat or dark meat."
Churchill apologized profusely.
The following morning, the lady received a
magnificent orchid from her guest of honor.
The accompanying card read: "I would be most
obliged if you would pin this on your white meat."
••
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa.
When he came back, his colleagues asked him how
it had been.
"Oh, it was very disappointing,"he said.
"I didn't kill a thing.
I'd have been better off staying here....
in the hospital."
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa.
When he came back, his colleagues asked him how
it had been.
"Oh, it was very disappointing,"he said.
"I didn't kill a thing.
I'd have been better off staying here....
in the hospital."
••
Q: Why should we feel bad for the gay homeless
population?
A: None of them have closets to come out of.
population?
A: None of them have closets to come out of.
••
A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents
and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,
in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the
waist down.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out
and everybody can see!" he exclaimed.
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no
pants on?" he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week
I sat here with no shirt on, Just watching the cars
go by.... and I got a stiff neck.
This is your Grandma's idea."
and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,
in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the
waist down.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out
and everybody can see!" he exclaimed.
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no
pants on?" he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week
I sat here with no shirt on, Just watching the cars
go by.... and I got a stiff neck.
This is your Grandma's idea."
••
One of our Favorite Headlines.....
"Prostitutes Appeal to Pope"
"Prostitutes Appeal to Pope"
••
Women ! Who can figure 'em out ?
Now that the kids are grown and gone, my wife
sez she needs more "outside interests".
I thought I'd surprise her and presented her with
a brand new fancy lawn mower, just the other day.
Now, she's mad with me.
Now that the kids are grown and gone, my wife
sez she needs more "outside interests".
I thought I'd surprise her and presented her with
a brand new fancy lawn mower, just the other day.
Now, she's mad with me.
••
I tried to be polite and hold the door open for
a woman, but she kept screaming,
"I'm peeing in here!"
a woman, but she kept screaming,
"I'm peeing in here!"
••
Study: 25% of American toddlers know how to use
an iPad.
That's nothing........
100% of Chinese toddlers know how to make one.
an iPad.
That's nothing........
100% of Chinese toddlers know how to make one.
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