Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

Ann Summers are now selling an alcoholic vagina
gel.
Anti-drink campaigners fear it might lead to 24hr
minge drinking......

 

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Proofreading is a Dying Art these days!
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter..
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says..
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers..
Miners Refuse to Work after Death..
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant..
War Dims Hope for Peace...
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile..
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures..
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges...
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge..
 Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft..
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks..

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I finally managed to give my wife multiple orgasms,
but she still isn't happy.
Apparently it doesn't count if there's a year between
the first and second one.

 

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Heard about the sex position called 'the plumber'?
You stay in all day and nobody comes...

 

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After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy
nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the
waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.....

 

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Correctness Update;
Due to the climate of political correctness now
pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and
West Virginians will no longer be referred to as
'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore,  He does not act like a 'TOTAL
ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.'
It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his
pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.

 

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Justin Bieber saves a life ...
"I owe my Life to Justin Bieber"
I was in a coma for two years until one of the
Nurses played one of his songs to me, and I woke
from my coma just so I could turn that shit off ...

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The editors at "Playboy" have selected Marilyn
Monroe for first place in its "The 100 Sexiest
Women of the Century" feature.
For organizational purposes, the list is divided into
"Chicks Who Slept WIth A Kennedy" and "Chicks
Who Didn't Sleep With A Kennedy."

 

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Why do Farts stink?
So that Deaf people can enjoy them too....

 

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Last night my spouse was berating me for wanting
to check my email as soon as I got home from work.
"You know", she complained, "I think that work
rules your life".
"No dear," I replied, "_you_ rule my life.
I just prefer work."

 

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“The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything
he needed.
He gave his awl.”

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