••
♥
An American woman travelling in south-east Asia
was horrified to be served bird's nest soup.
"Do you mean to say this actually is a bird's nest?"
she protested.
The chef assured her that it was, explaining that
the bird built the nest using its own saliva as glue.
"Are you saying I'm supposed to eat saliva from a
bird?" she demanded.
"I can't imagine anyone eating bird's saliva."
Realizing that there was no hope of converting her,
the chef asked what she would prefer instead.
She answered, "Oh, just fix me an omelette."
was horrified to be served bird's nest soup.
"Do you mean to say this actually is a bird's nest?"
she protested.
The chef assured her that it was, explaining that
the bird built the nest using its own saliva as glue.
"Are you saying I'm supposed to eat saliva from a
bird?" she demanded.
"I can't imagine anyone eating bird's saliva."
Realizing that there was no hope of converting her,
the chef asked what she would prefer instead.
She answered, "Oh, just fix me an omelette."
••
The Montana Department of Employment,
Division of Labor Standards claimed a small
rancher was not paying proper wages to his help
and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how
much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's
been with me for 3 years.
I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room
and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every
Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to -
the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
Division of Labor Standards claimed a small
rancher was not paying proper wages to his help
and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how
much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's
been with me for 3 years.
I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room
and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every
Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to -
the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
••
A husband, having been commanded by his wife,
went to the doctor for a vasectomy.
The doctor told him, "Don't worry, after the
operation you will be very horny and you won't
worry about getting anyone pregnant."
So the husband got up and left saying,
"Never mind, I must have already had one."
went to the doctor for a vasectomy.
The doctor told him, "Don't worry, after the
operation you will be very horny and you won't
worry about getting anyone pregnant."
So the husband got up and left saying,
"Never mind, I must have already had one."
••
What’s the worst part about getting a lung
transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your
phlegm.
transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your
phlegm.
••
A man is recovering from surgery when the
Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is
feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the
doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is
feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the
doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
••
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC,
PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN
RECENT YEARS.
25% of the women in this country are on
medication for mental illness.
That's scary.
It means 75% are running around untreated.
PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN
RECENT YEARS.
25% of the women in this country are on
medication for mental illness.
That's scary.
It means 75% are running around untreated.
••
Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel.
If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
A: Make her stand in a barrel.
If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
••
Scientists have discovered what causes memory
loss in older people.
Uh, I forgot what the discovery was...Shit!
loss in older people.
Uh, I forgot what the discovery was...Shit!
••
Mommy, Mommy! What is a delinquent child?
Shut up and pass me the crowbar.
Shut up and pass me the crowbar.
••••
