••
♥
Got pulled over by the police last night.
They ordered me to get out of the car.
"You're staggering" said the officer.
I replied, "You're not a bad looking yourself, officer."
Was not a smart thing to say.......
Please send bail money.
They ordered me to get out of the car.
"You're staggering" said the officer.
I replied, "You're not a bad looking yourself, officer."
Was not a smart thing to say.......
Please send bail money.
••
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her
husband always came home late, no matter how she tried
to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did.
Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the
morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?"
And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her
husband always came home late, no matter how she tried
to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did.
Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the
morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?"
And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."
••
What should you do if a pretty girl sits down on your
hand?
Try to get her off!
hand?
Try to get her off!
••
I knew I wouldn't find happiness at the bottom of an
empty bottle.
Nobody would.
It means you're out of booze.
empty bottle.
Nobody would.
It means you're out of booze.
••
Is a blind man from Venice, a Venetian Blind?
••
I ordered a leather sofa off the Ikea website last week.
They sent me a dead cow and some instructions on how
to skin it....
They sent me a dead cow and some instructions on how
to skin it....
••
My girlfriend said, "I've made a list of the things I want
for Christmas."
"Ok, lets hear it."
"I want a new kitchen, a new bathroom suite, and some
shopping vouchers."
"In that case, all I want this year is a ski mask and the
floor plan of the local bank."
for Christmas."
"Ok, lets hear it."
"I want a new kitchen, a new bathroom suite, and some
shopping vouchers."
"In that case, all I want this year is a ski mask and the
floor plan of the local bank."
••
Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a
warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted
on the door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the
floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
he asked the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused.
“That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me.
Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him.”
warning sign that read: “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted
on the door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the
floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
he asked the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused.
“That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me.
Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him.”
••
Distributed by the Chamber of
Commerce in Salem Mass.: "Salem, the Witch City.
Stop by for a spell."
Commerce in Salem Mass.: "Salem, the Witch City.
Stop by for a spell."
••
We hope that, when the insects take over the world,
they will remember with gratitude how we took them
along on all our picnics.
they will remember with gratitude how we took them
along on all our picnics.
••
