••
♥
Why can't Politicians take Viagra?
Because they get taller.
Because they get taller.
••
I stopped by the Chevrolet Dealership yesterday, for a
look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become
extinct.
The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change"
lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck
and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your
butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this
must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a
Republican truck.
I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats
would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership...
Darn guy had no sense of humor!
look at the new Silverado 1500 pickup.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive.
I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become
extinct.
The salesman (a black man wearing an Obama "change"
lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck
and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your
butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in
the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with him, I mentioned that this
must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a
Republican truck.
I explained that if it were an Obama truck, the seats
would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership...
Darn guy had no sense of humor!
••
Don’t let a man put anything over on you except an
umbrella.—Mae West
umbrella.—Mae West
••
Cool message by a wife.....
Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't teach me how to handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of
improvement"
Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't teach me how to handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of
improvement"
••
They asked the Japanese visitor if they have elections in
his country.
"Every morning," he answered...
his country.
"Every morning," he answered...
••
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any
interest in his paintings currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your
work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after
your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied:
"The guy was your doctor."
interest in his paintings currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your
work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after
your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your
paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied:
"The guy was your doctor."
••
I lost a good friend the other day he got his finger caught
in a wedding ring.
in a wedding ring.
••
Woman buys a new Sim Card.
Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband
who is seated on the couch in the Living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new
number: "Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is
in the kitchen.
Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband
who is seated on the couch in the Living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new
number: "Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is
in the kitchen.
••
My day starts backwards...I wake up tired and go to bed
wide awake.
wide awake.
••
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned
that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of
dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to
the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy.
"Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf
course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked
a shot.
The ball must have been going at least 100 mph when it
smacked me right in the testicles."
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell
does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt....."
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned
that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of
dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to
the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy.
"Did he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf
course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked
a shot.
The ball must have been going at least 100 mph when it
smacked me right in the testicles."
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell
does that have to do with your dentures?"
"It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt....."
••
I don’t want to die doing something I love.
I want to die doing something I hate.
That way I don’t have to finish it.
I don’t want to die doing something I love.
I want to die doing something I hate.
That way I don’t have to finish it.
••••
