••
♥
I meet a lot of strippers, and they always say the same
thing: Im paying my way through medical school.
Now, if thats the truth, why is that you never meet a
doctor that used to be a stripper?
You'd think they'd be everywhere.
thing: Im paying my way through medical school.
Now, if thats the truth, why is that you never meet a
doctor that used to be a stripper?
You'd think they'd be everywhere.
••
Three women walk in a pet shop.
Suddenly the parrot yells out, "Yellow, pink, blue."
The first lady says, "That's funny, I'm wearing yellow
underwear."
The second lady says "well I'm wearing pink."
The third lady says "No way, I'm wearing blue."
To test the parrot, the next day, all of them wore white
and the parrot shouted, "white! white! white!"
The three women are amazed.
The final test was the third day, just as they walk in the
parrot yelled "Bald, curly and straight!"
They never went there again!!
Suddenly the parrot yells out, "Yellow, pink, blue."
The first lady says, "That's funny, I'm wearing yellow
underwear."
The second lady says "well I'm wearing pink."
The third lady says "No way, I'm wearing blue."
To test the parrot, the next day, all of them wore white
and the parrot shouted, "white! white! white!"
The three women are amazed.
The final test was the third day, just as they walk in the
parrot yelled "Bald, curly and straight!"
They never went there again!!
••
Gus was searching the dictionary for the word
"Dictionary".
He found this meaning: "Dictionary is the thing you are
holding, stupid."
Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched
for the word stupid, and found: "Is that you again!?!"
"Dictionary".
He found this meaning: "Dictionary is the thing you are
holding, stupid."
Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched
for the word stupid, and found: "Is that you again!?!"
••
Mari was telling her girlfriend Rosie about the gent she
met on a trip to Vegas.
"He took me to his condo overlooking the strip in Vegas,
we had some wine and then he showed me all these
expensive jewels.
There was an emerald cut diamond of at least five carats,
a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch
with eleven carats."
"Impressive." said Rosie.
"Well... yes." Mari agreed.
"But the downside was that with all those carats,
he expected me to behave like a rabbit."
met on a trip to Vegas.
"He took me to his condo overlooking the strip in Vegas,
we had some wine and then he showed me all these
expensive jewels.
There was an emerald cut diamond of at least five carats,
a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch
with eleven carats."
"Impressive." said Rosie.
"Well... yes." Mari agreed.
"But the downside was that with all those carats,
he expected me to behave like a rabbit."
••
A man is walking in the backwoods of Alabama when all
of a sudden he comes upon a big game hunter on safari.
The man says, “What the hell are you doing hunting
elephants here in Alabama?”
The hunter says "Well, I’ve hunted elephants all over the
world and every time I shoot one it is a giant pain in the
ass to pull out the tusks.
You really have to pull and pull to get those tusks out…
they’re really in there tight…"
And I heard that here in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
of a sudden he comes upon a big game hunter on safari.
The man says, “What the hell are you doing hunting
elephants here in Alabama?”
The hunter says "Well, I’ve hunted elephants all over the
world and every time I shoot one it is a giant pain in the
ass to pull out the tusks.
You really have to pull and pull to get those tusks out…
they’re really in there tight…"
And I heard that here in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
••
A newlywed couple gets back from their honeymoon and
the husband decides that he wants to watch the video
of their first night as husband and wife.
He plays the tape and hears his wife say, "Ahh, ahh,
that's happiness. Ahh, ahh, that's happiness."
Just then, his new bride walks in and says, "You moron,
that's slo-motion." She rewinds the tape and plays it at
normal speed:
"Ha, ha, that's a penis? Ha, ha, that's a penis?"
the husband decides that he wants to watch the video
of their first night as husband and wife.
He plays the tape and hears his wife say, "Ahh, ahh,
that's happiness. Ahh, ahh, that's happiness."
Just then, his new bride walks in and says, "You moron,
that's slo-motion." She rewinds the tape and plays it at
normal speed:
"Ha, ha, that's a penis? Ha, ha, that's a penis?"
••
Most people find the second week after quitting the
cigarettes is definitely easier than the first.
Mainly because that's when they start smoking again.
cigarettes is definitely easier than the first.
Mainly because that's when they start smoking again.
••
Did you hear the one about the homosexual ghosts?
They gave each other the willies.
They gave each other the willies.
••
I ordered a burger at McDonald's in Detroit,
and the kid behind the counter asked,
"Can you afford fries with that?"
and the kid behind the counter asked,
"Can you afford fries with that?"
••••
