••
♥
Women today put on wigs, fake eyelashes, false
fingernails, several pounds of assorted makeup,
shadows, blushes, creams, slip on living bras, various
pads, go under the knife for cosmetic reasons -
- and then complain they cannot find a "real" man.
fingernails, several pounds of assorted makeup,
shadows, blushes, creams, slip on living bras, various
pads, go under the knife for cosmetic reasons -
- and then complain they cannot find a "real" man.
••
A month ago, Morris read that smoking kills people;
He stopped smoking from that day.
Two weeks ago, Morris read that too much red meat kills
people;
He stopped eating red meat from that day.
One week ago, Morris read that too much drinking kills
people;
He stopped drinking from that day.
Yesterday, Morris read that too much sex can kill people;
He stopped reading from that day.
He stopped smoking from that day.
Two weeks ago, Morris read that too much red meat kills
people;
He stopped eating red meat from that day.
One week ago, Morris read that too much drinking kills
people;
He stopped drinking from that day.
Yesterday, Morris read that too much sex can kill people;
He stopped reading from that day.
••
My 5-year-old son Neel, came running to me one day
and said, "Papa, I want to get married."
Amused, I said, "You know you need a girl to get married."
Neel replied, "I already have a girl in mind."
"And who is that?" I asked.
"Granny!" exclaimed Neel.
"What?" I asked.
"You want to marry my mother?
Why do you want to do that?"
"Why not?" said Neel, "You married mine!"
and said, "Papa, I want to get married."
Amused, I said, "You know you need a girl to get married."
Neel replied, "I already have a girl in mind."
"And who is that?" I asked.
"Granny!" exclaimed Neel.
"What?" I asked.
"You want to marry my mother?
Why do you want to do that?"
"Why not?" said Neel, "You married mine!"
••
A new British survey has revealed that 9 out of 10 people
like Chocolate.
The tenth lies.
like Chocolate.
The tenth lies.
••
Obama: "Congratulations on the baby.
May I offer some advice?"
William: "Certainly."
Obama: "Save the birth certificate."
May I offer some advice?"
William: "Certainly."
Obama: "Save the birth certificate."
••
Son and mom were looking for a lost contact lens in
driveway.
The Mom soon found it.
Son: "Wow! How did you find it?"
Mom: "You were looking for a piece of plastic,
but I was looking for $150."
driveway.
The Mom soon found it.
Son: "Wow! How did you find it?"
Mom: "You were looking for a piece of plastic,
but I was looking for $150."
••
My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her
favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything,
but that doesn't answer my question".
favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything,
but that doesn't answer my question".
••
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his
brief vacations at this country inn.
The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the
innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried.
"I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten
married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and
decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family
than a lawyer."
brief vacations at this country inn.
The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the
innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried.
"I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten
married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and
decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family
than a lawyer."
••
Irony...Carlos Danger aka Anthony Weiner.....
His speech about changing his behavior i.e. texting
photos of his junk, was yesterday on National Hot Dog
Day.
I'm just not sure how to take his message.
His speech about changing his behavior i.e. texting
photos of his junk, was yesterday on National Hot Dog
Day.
I'm just not sure how to take his message.
••
I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD.
I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on....
I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on....
••••
