••
♥
After directory assistance gave Anita, her boyfriend's
new telephone number, she dialed him and got a woman.
"Is Jimmy there?" Anita asked.
"He's in the shower," she responded.
"Please tell him his girlfriend called," Anita said and
hung up.
When he didn't return the call, Anita dialed again.
This time a man answered.
"This is Jimmy," he said.
"You're not my boyfriend!" Anita exclaimed.
"I know," he replied.
"That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the
past half-hour."
new telephone number, she dialed him and got a woman.
"Is Jimmy there?" Anita asked.
"He's in the shower," she responded.
"Please tell him his girlfriend called," Anita said and
hung up.
When he didn't return the call, Anita dialed again.
This time a man answered.
"This is Jimmy," he said.
"You're not my boyfriend!" Anita exclaimed.
"I know," he replied.
"That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the
past half-hour."
••
“A doctor who became a bartender was always giving
out shots!”
out shots!”
••
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors'
special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for
$2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said..... 'But I don't want the eggs..'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're
ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.
'YES !' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for
$2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said..... 'But I don't want the eggs..'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're
ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.
'YES !' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
••
I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed.
Not my fault they don't have Windows....
Not my fault they don't have Windows....
••
A man was known among his friends to be very brief
and to the point - he really never said too much.
One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of
cosmetics knocked on his door and asked to see his wife.
The man told her that his wife wasn't home.
"Well," replied the saleswoman, "could I please wait
for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her
there for more than three hours.
The saleswoman was getting really worried, so she called
out to the man and asked, "May I know where your wife
is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she returning?"
"I don't really know," he said.
"She's been there eleven years now."
and to the point - he really never said too much.
One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of
cosmetics knocked on his door and asked to see his wife.
The man told her that his wife wasn't home.
"Well," replied the saleswoman, "could I please wait
for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her
there for more than three hours.
The saleswoman was getting really worried, so she called
out to the man and asked, "May I know where your wife
is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she returning?"
"I don't really know," he said.
"She's been there eleven years now."
••
I've often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming...
but I can't get my wife to go swimming...
••
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED....
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down,
and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because
they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to
decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members
exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law
enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can
take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down,
and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because
they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to
decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members
exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law
enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can
take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
••
Always carry a picture of your wife in your wallet.
It will remind you of why there is no money in there………
It will remind you of why there is no money in there………
••
A Man Was Watching A Movie At Home And Suddenly
Shouts “Nooooooooooooo!” Don’t!!!!!!
Get Off The Horse!
Its A Trap!!
Wife: What Are You Watching?
Man: Our Wedding DVD….
Shouts “Nooooooooooooo!” Don’t!!!!!!
Get Off The Horse!
Its A Trap!!
Wife: What Are You Watching?
Man: Our Wedding DVD….
••••
