••
♥
three lies.......
a) the check is in the mail.
b) my wife doesn't understand me.
c) I'm from the government and I'm here to help you...
a) the check is in the mail.
b) my wife doesn't understand me.
c) I'm from the government and I'm here to help you...
••
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair,
was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer.
"Will you hold my hand?"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair,
was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer.
"Will you hold my hand?"
••
Weirdest Statements Made by Prospective Employees
during an Interview......
"Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
"People are always watching me."
"My legs are really hairy."
"I think I’m going to throw up."
"I feel uneasy indoors."
"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
"I get excited very easily."
"At times I have the strong urge to do something
harmful or shocking."
"I am fascinated by fire."
during an Interview......
"Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
"People are always watching me."
"My legs are really hairy."
"I think I’m going to throw up."
"I feel uneasy indoors."
"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
"I get excited very easily."
"At times I have the strong urge to do something
harmful or shocking."
"I am fascinated by fire."
••
The song, "Yankee Doodle" was originally sung by
British Soldiers to insult the colonialists ( which was
typical of the British in those days).
The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the
British (which was typical of the colonialists).
British Soldiers to insult the colonialists ( which was
typical of the British in those days).
The Continental Army took to singing it to annoy the
British (which was typical of the colonialists).
••
James prayed so hard and one day God finally talked to
him.
GOD: My Son, what do you really want?
JAMES: I want a Job, a big Car and lots of Girls to be
all around me.
GOD: Is that all?
JAMES: Yes.
GOD: Your Prayer has been answered.
JAMES: Thank you God.
Now James is a BUS DRIVER in a GIRLS' SCHOOL.
him.
GOD: My Son, what do you really want?
JAMES: I want a Job, a big Car and lots of Girls to be
all around me.
GOD: Is that all?
JAMES: Yes.
GOD: Your Prayer has been answered.
JAMES: Thank you God.
Now James is a BUS DRIVER in a GIRLS' SCHOOL.
••
I've just had my Thesaurus stolen.
I can't find the words to describe how upset I am!!
I can't find the words to describe how upset I am!!
••
A man shows up to work on Monday morning with 2
black eyes.
One of his co workers asked how it happened.
"You wouldn't believe it.
I was in church yesterday and we stood up to sing a hymn.
There was this big fat lady in front of me and her dress
was tucked into and caught in the crease of her ass.
I tried to help, reached out and pulled it out for her.
She turns around and pokes me in the eye."
Co-worker "Then how did you get the 2nd black eye?"
"I figured she wanted the dress there so I tried to put it
back"
black eyes.
One of his co workers asked how it happened.
"You wouldn't believe it.
I was in church yesterday and we stood up to sing a hymn.
There was this big fat lady in front of me and her dress
was tucked into and caught in the crease of her ass.
I tried to help, reached out and pulled it out for her.
She turns around and pokes me in the eye."
Co-worker "Then how did you get the 2nd black eye?"
"I figured she wanted the dress there so I tried to put it
back"
••
Boy: Teacher?
Teacher: Yes?
Boy: Do I get punished for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Boy: Okay...then I didn't do my homework.
Teacher: Yes?
Boy: Do I get punished for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Boy: Okay...then I didn't do my homework.
••
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
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