••
♥
Angela Merkel landed in France and presented her
passport for inspection at immigration control.
The Officer looked at the passport looked at Merkel
sternly and said " Occupation "
Merkel replied " No just staying a few days"
passport for inspection at immigration control.
The Officer looked at the passport looked at Merkel
sternly and said " Occupation "
Merkel replied " No just staying a few days"
••
A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed,
told her a story, and listened to her prayers which
she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless
Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed
like the thing to do."
The next day Grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers, which went like this
"God bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye
Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact
with the other side... Several weeks later when the girl
was going to bed, the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mummy and good-bye Daddy.."
He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of
dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in,
and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight, he
would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at
the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived.
He breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it.
I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day.
You'll never believe what happened to me...
this morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle
of my lesson!"
told her a story, and listened to her prayers which
she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless
Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed
like the thing to do."
The next day Grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers, which went like this
"God bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye
Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact
with the other side... Several weeks later when the girl
was going to bed, the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mummy and good-bye Daddy.."
He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of
dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in,
and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight, he
would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at
the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived.
He breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you
work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it.
I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day.
You'll never believe what happened to me...
this morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle
of my lesson!"
••
President Obama just called Russian President
Vladimir Putin to discuss NSA leaker Edward
Snowden, who's been living in Moscow at the airport.
Obama asked that Snowden be sent back to the U.S.,
and in return Putin asked for a case of Twinkies.
Vladimir Putin to discuss NSA leaker Edward
Snowden, who's been living in Moscow at the airport.
Obama asked that Snowden be sent back to the U.S.,
and in return Putin asked for a case of Twinkies.
••
Britain is in a heightened state of alert.
Right now they're in royal baby watch.
Yes, everyone's on the lookout for the helpless little
bald creature that will someday become the most
powerful person in England.
But enough about Prince Charles.
Right now they're in royal baby watch.
Yes, everyone's on the lookout for the helpless little
bald creature that will someday become the most
powerful person in England.
But enough about Prince Charles.
••
A classified ad out of the Montreal Gazette that read:
LOST: 2 year old Border Collie. Missing one eye,
one leg, recently neutered.
Answers to the name "Lucky".
LOST: 2 year old Border Collie. Missing one eye,
one leg, recently neutered.
Answers to the name "Lucky".
••
Fred was a hard working man married to a nagging
wife, he was nagged so much he used to leave the
house at 6am everyday to go to work, when he finished
work he went to the pub and stayed there until closing
time before stumbling home, much to the annoyance
of his wife.
She decided to give him a scare, she knew that he
always took a shortcut through the cemetery on his
way home for the pub.
So one moonlit night she dresses up as the devil,
red costume, fork and horns and hid behind a
headstone.
On cue Fred was homeward bound when out she
jumped screaming I am the devil and if you do not
mend your ways you will end up in hell with me to
suffer all the torments of hell.
Fred did not bat an eyelid smiled and walked towards
the devil, how do you do Mr Devil pleased to meet you,
you do not scare me as I am already in hell Mr Devil,
20 years ago I married your bloody sister.....
wife, he was nagged so much he used to leave the
house at 6am everyday to go to work, when he finished
work he went to the pub and stayed there until closing
time before stumbling home, much to the annoyance
of his wife.
She decided to give him a scare, she knew that he
always took a shortcut through the cemetery on his
way home for the pub.
So one moonlit night she dresses up as the devil,
red costume, fork and horns and hid behind a
headstone.
On cue Fred was homeward bound when out she
jumped screaming I am the devil and if you do not
mend your ways you will end up in hell with me to
suffer all the torments of hell.
Fred did not bat an eyelid smiled and walked towards
the devil, how do you do Mr Devil pleased to meet you,
you do not scare me as I am already in hell Mr Devil,
20 years ago I married your bloody sister.....
••
William's brother, Prince Harry, is said to be very
excited.
He'll be an uncle for the first time.
And he will no longer be the only one running around
in the royal palace naked.
excited.
He'll be an uncle for the first time.
And he will no longer be the only one running around
in the royal palace naked.
••
I've discovered that the secret to my successful
marriage is that when my wife is at work all day,
I'm constantly cleaning........ My browser history.
marriage is that when my wife is at work all day,
I'm constantly cleaning........ My browser history.
••
Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, wants asylum in
Venezuela.
He also wants to be able to have summer asylum in
the Hamptons.
Venezuela.
He also wants to be able to have summer asylum in
the Hamptons.
••
FACT OF THE DAY:
There are more than 500 million domestic cats in the
world, with approximately 40 recognized breeds
There are more than 500 million domestic cats in the
world, with approximately 40 recognized breeds
••••
