••
♥
Police in Chicago last night announced the discovery of
an arms cache of 400 semi-automatic rifles with
25,000 rounds of ammunition, 200 pounds of heroin,
5 million in forged US banknotes and 35 trafficked
Latino prostitutes; all in a house behind the
Public Library on Martin Luther King Drive.
Local residents were stunned, and a community
spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we
had a library."
an arms cache of 400 semi-automatic rifles with
25,000 rounds of ammunition, 200 pounds of heroin,
5 million in forged US banknotes and 35 trafficked
Latino prostitutes; all in a house behind the
Public Library on Martin Luther King Drive.
Local residents were stunned, and a community
spokesman said: "We're all shocked; we never knew we
had a library."
••
"And will there be anything else, sir ?" the bellboy asked
after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you." the gentleman replied.
"That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful
satin negligee on the bed.
"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah ! That's a good idea," the fellow said.
"Please bring up a postcard."
after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you." the gentleman replied.
"That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful
satin negligee on the bed.
"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah ! That's a good idea," the fellow said.
"Please bring up a postcard."
••
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3
missed calls from Chuck Norris.
missed calls from Chuck Norris.
••
PC Sorkar, the Indian magician can perform some
amazing tricks.
He once swallowed a white rabbit and pulled a brown
hare out of his butt.
amazing tricks.
He once swallowed a white rabbit and pulled a brown
hare out of his butt.
••
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
A: A Doberman pinscher.
••
A Dummies' Guide For Dummies...
Don't throw a brick straight up.
Don't take long naps while driving.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it.
Don't make any more.
Don't microwave yourself too often.
Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame
to see if it's sufficiently hot.
If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!"
don't actually raise your head up.
Cover it with your arms and duck.
When you are in bed remember to close your eyes.
No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature,
stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there
is no need to report it on your income tax return.
Don't throw a brick straight up.
Don't take long naps while driving.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it.
Don't make any more.
Don't microwave yourself too often.
Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame
to see if it's sufficiently hot.
If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!"
don't actually raise your head up.
Cover it with your arms and duck.
When you are in bed remember to close your eyes.
No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature,
stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there
is no need to report it on your income tax return.
••
In accounting class they taught us that the right answer
to the question "What is 1 plus 1?"
Is whatever number you need it to be.
So goes our government.....
to the question "What is 1 plus 1?"
Is whatever number you need it to be.
So goes our government.....
••
When I went to the International Club, I accidentally
spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress.
I told her I was very sari.
When I went to the International Club, I accidentally
spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress.
I told her I was very sari.
••
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
••••
