••
♥
A teacher in a political science class asked the students,
"Who is the most powerful person in the US?"
A student answered, "The First Pet?"
The teacher then asked, "Why?"
The student explained, "Because, the president kneels
before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him,
prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before
the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him,
and boards Airforce One first."
"Who is the most powerful person in the US?"
A student answered, "The First Pet?"
The teacher then asked, "Why?"
The student explained, "Because, the president kneels
before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him,
prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before
the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him,
and boards Airforce One first."
••
This gin and tonic is 91 calories.
This banana is 105 calories.
My doctor told me to make the healthy choice.
I love my doctor.
This banana is 105 calories.
My doctor told me to make the healthy choice.
I love my doctor.
••
The secret of enjoying good wine:
1.Open the bottle to allow to breathe.
2. If it does not look like it's breathing,
give it mouth-to-mouth....
1.Open the bottle to allow to breathe.
2. If it does not look like it's breathing,
give it mouth-to-mouth....
••
A guy drove to the beach and parked his car close to the
water's edge - not realizing it was Low Tide - then he
went for a long hike up into the mountains.
During his excursion, High Tide came and then receded
completely submersing his car for a period of time in the
process.
When he finally returned to his car - he became very
concerned when he found out that he had
Tuna in his Mercury!
water's edge - not realizing it was Low Tide - then he
went for a long hike up into the mountains.
During his excursion, High Tide came and then receded
completely submersing his car for a period of time in the
process.
When he finally returned to his car - he became very
concerned when he found out that he had
Tuna in his Mercury!
••
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to
England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
••
Top 10 Mom Scoldings in the Bible...
10. Sampson, get your hands off of that lion,
you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with that
string! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for
those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside
and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco!
I told you, never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother!
You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them.
Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again?
Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner table,
please. People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door!
You think you were born in a barn.
10. Sampson, get your hands off of that lion,
you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with that
string! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for
those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside
and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco!
I told you, never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother!
You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them.
Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again?
Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner table,
please. People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door!
You think you were born in a barn.
••
“The gunman took a shot at new opportunities.”
••
Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows
up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful
and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's
socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs on Bob's arm and listens intently to his every
word.
His buddies at the club are all envious.
They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask.
"So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends are fascinated, "What do you mean?
Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful
and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's
socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs on Bob's arm and listens intently to his every
word.
His buddies at the club are all envious.
They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask.
"So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends are fascinated, "What do you mean?
Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
••
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories
as running 8 miles.
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 15 seconds?
as running 8 miles.
Who the hell runs 8 miles in 15 seconds?
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