••
♥
“The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker.
He was good at canvasing people.”
He was good at canvasing people.”
••
teenage girl goes home and tells her mother that she
is pregnant.
mother says: didnt I tell you if a boys touches your boobs
you are to say "DONT"
AND ALSO didnt I tell you that if a boy touches you
below the belt you are to say stop?
but momma he kept touching both places at the same
time so it came out DON'T STOP!
is pregnant.
mother says: didnt I tell you if a boys touches your boobs
you are to say "DONT"
AND ALSO didnt I tell you that if a boy touches you
below the belt you are to say stop?
but momma he kept touching both places at the same
time so it came out DON'T STOP!
••
I was going to make a joke about amnesia but I forgot it.
••
I am so old that . . .
whenever I eat out,
they ask me for money up front.
I am so old that . . .
whenever I eat out,
they ask me for money up front.
••
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy,
we wonder why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy,
we wonder why.
••
My girlfriend confessed her fantasy is for me to tie her
up for kinky bondage sex
I am so knot happy right now!
up for kinky bondage sex
I am so knot happy right now!
••
Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor
how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use
three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity
Test Kit": a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue
paint, and a paint brush."
Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your
wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the
other ball Blue.
If she says 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever
seen!' then she's not a virgin.
how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use
three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity
Test Kit": a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue
paint, and a paint brush."
Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your
wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the
other ball Blue.
If she says 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever
seen!' then she's not a virgin.
••
"I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until
4 a.m. in the morning!"
"What's she doing?"
"Waiting for me to get home!"
"I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until
4 a.m. in the morning!"
"What's she doing?"
"Waiting for me to get home!"
••
There was this lover who said that he would go through
hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.
hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.
••
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner
unannounced at 5:30 pm after work.
His wife screams at him as his friend listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess,
the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I
can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?
"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
unannounced at 5:30 pm after work.
His wife screams at him as his friend listens in.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess,
the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I
can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?
"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
••
A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has
been extracted.
A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has
been extracted.
••••
