••
♥
Hard work pays off in the future;
I find laziness pays off now.
I find laziness pays off now.
••
Unbelievable, but on today’s noon newscast on San
Francisco's KTVU, the station claimed it had “just
learned the names of the 4 pilots on board” Asiana
flight 214 which crashed last Saturday.
Captain: Sum Ting Wong
Co-pilot: We Tu Lo
First Officer: Ho Lee Fuk
Navigator: Bang Ding Ow
Francisco's KTVU, the station claimed it had “just
learned the names of the 4 pilots on board” Asiana
flight 214 which crashed last Saturday.
Captain: Sum Ting Wong
Co-pilot: We Tu Lo
First Officer: Ho Lee Fuk
Navigator: Bang Ding Ow
••
With the new iPhone 5 you can take pictures under water..
but..... ONLY ONCE !!!
With the new iPhone 5 you can take pictures under water..
but..... ONLY ONCE !!!
••
Derrick was an airplane cleaner and he always had one
desire - to fly an airplane himself.
So, one morning he arrives at work early and while
cleaning, finds a book in the cockpit titled "Guide to fly
an airplane for Dummies Part 1".
He opens the book and starts reading, "First press the
green button on right to start the engine."
He does that and the engine starts.
He turns to Page 2 and it reads, "Press brown button to
start airplane moving on runway."
He does that and the airplane starts moving ahead and
catches speed.
He goes to Page 3 and it reads, "Press the red button to
take off the airplane in the air."
He does that and the airplane is flying.
He starts turning the pilot's joystick and the airplane
begins circling, going up and down and Derrick is having
the time of his life!
He then decides to land the airplane before anyone finds
out what he has been up to.
He turns to the next page and finds the following printed
in bold:
"To land the plane successfully go to the nearby book
store and buy Part 2 of Guide to fly an airplane for
Dummies."
desire - to fly an airplane himself.
So, one morning he arrives at work early and while
cleaning, finds a book in the cockpit titled "Guide to fly
an airplane for Dummies Part 1".
He opens the book and starts reading, "First press the
green button on right to start the engine."
He does that and the engine starts.
He turns to Page 2 and it reads, "Press brown button to
start airplane moving on runway."
He does that and the airplane starts moving ahead and
catches speed.
He goes to Page 3 and it reads, "Press the red button to
take off the airplane in the air."
He does that and the airplane is flying.
He starts turning the pilot's joystick and the airplane
begins circling, going up and down and Derrick is having
the time of his life!
He then decides to land the airplane before anyone finds
out what he has been up to.
He turns to the next page and finds the following printed
in bold:
"To land the plane successfully go to the nearby book
store and buy Part 2 of Guide to fly an airplane for
Dummies."
••
My grandad lived to be 101 and he smoked 60 a day.
He was the most successful hit man in the whole of Sicily.
He was the most successful hit man in the whole of Sicily.
••
How to dispose of asbestos inexpensively.
1) Rent a storage locker.
2) Move dangerous asbestos to locker, cover with tarp.
3) Abandon locker.
4) Watch "Storage Wars" to see vultures bidding on
your stuff.
5) LOL. Have a beer.
1) Rent a storage locker.
2) Move dangerous asbestos to locker, cover with tarp.
3) Abandon locker.
4) Watch "Storage Wars" to see vultures bidding on
your stuff.
5) LOL. Have a beer.
••
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar,
and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt
pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double
martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis
all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside
your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt
pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double
martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis
all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside
your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
••
I just got skylights put in my place....
The people who live above me are furious.
The people who live above me are furious.
••
A busload of tourists arrives at Runnymede, just west
of central London.
They gather around the guide who says:
“This is the spot where the barons forced King John to
sign the Magna Carta."
A guy at the front of the crowd asks:
"When did that happen?”
“1215,” answers the guide.
Checking the time The man looks at his watch and says:
“Damn! Missed it by a half hour.”
of central London.
They gather around the guide who says:
“This is the spot where the barons forced King John to
sign the Magna Carta."
A guy at the front of the crowd asks:
"When did that happen?”
“1215,” answers the guide.
Checking the time The man looks at his watch and says:
“Damn! Missed it by a half hour.”
••••
