••
♥
A 2nd grade teacher resigns after duct taping kid
to a chair and leaving him there for 3 hours.
Should she be punished?
Hell yes.. duct tape is expensive.
to a chair and leaving him there for 3 hours.
Should she be punished?
Hell yes.. duct tape is expensive.
••
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?
He was " OUTSTANDING" in his field!
He was " OUTSTANDING" in his field!
••
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in
the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me,
madam.
I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your
dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold
onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"
holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in
the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me,
madam.
I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your
dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold
onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"
••
Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes,
and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".
and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".
••
Disappointed......
I went to a strip mall the other day with my friend.
Let me tell you, I was disappointed.
Everybody else had on clothes.
I went to a strip mall the other day with my friend.
Let me tell you, I was disappointed.
Everybody else had on clothes.
••
How is Holy Water made?
Boil the Hell out of it.
Boil the Hell out of it.
••
Man ran into a bar and panting,
Orders a waterglass of Jack.
As he is guzzling it, the bar tender asks what's up?
The man said, "you would drink like this if you had
what I have".
"What you got?"
"About two dollars."
Orders a waterglass of Jack.
As he is guzzling it, the bar tender asks what's up?
The man said, "you would drink like this if you had
what I have".
"What you got?"
"About two dollars."
••
I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until
4 a.m. in the morning!"
"What's she doing?"
"Waiting for me to get home!"
4 a.m. in the morning!"
"What's she doing?"
"Waiting for me to get home!"
••
A man came home from golfing one day.
His wife left a note on the fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with my Mother!!!"
He opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer
was cold . . .
He thought to himself: "What the hell is she talking
about?"
His wife left a note on the fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with my Mother!!!"
He opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer
was cold . . .
He thought to himself: "What the hell is she talking
about?"
••
You look familiar; put downs....
You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?
I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the
one who was feeding you peanuts.
You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?
I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the
one who was feeding you peanuts.
I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite
show because so many of your relatives are on it.
I know your trying to insult me, but I know you like
me. I can see your tail wagging.
That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you
that has the webbed feet.
You look familiar too, but that's not surprising,
I collect bugs for a hobby.
You look familiar too, have I ever seen you hanging
by the tail from the tree in my garden ?
Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time?
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