••
♥
I was telling my friend about how the government plant
surveillance devices in street equipment.
"That's absolutely ridiculous," replied a lamppost.
surveillance devices in street equipment.
"That's absolutely ridiculous," replied a lamppost.
••
Hate to say it, but our high school football team isn't very
good.
One day the coach spotted the marching band practicing
on the field and told them to get off before they tore it up.
"Can we march in the end zone?" asked a band member.
"The team never uses that."
good.
One day the coach spotted the marching band practicing
on the field and told them to get off before they tore it up.
"Can we march in the end zone?" asked a band member.
"The team never uses that."
••
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the
bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another.
After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and
now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
The bartender thought about this for a while.
"But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?"
asked the bartender.
"Yeah, except today is the last night."
bartender for a drink.
Then he asks for another.
After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and
now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
The bartender thought about this for a while.
"But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?"
asked the bartender.
"Yeah, except today is the last night."
••
My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida.
And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit
him now that hes finally able to do those things in life
that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start
drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly
shirts.
And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit
him now that hes finally able to do those things in life
that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start
drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly
shirts.
••
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t honk.
Their horns don’t honk.
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oliver!
Oliver who?
Oliver troubles are over!
Who's there?
Oliver!
Oliver who?
Oliver troubles are over!
••
Gandhi walked barefoot his whole life, which created
awful calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, making him frail. and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
Answer: A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
awful calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, making him frail. and with his odd
diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
Answer: A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
••
If your phone gets wet, leave it overnight in a bag of rice.
It'll attract an Asian, who will fix it because they're good
with electronics
If your phone gets wet, leave it overnight in a bag of rice.
It'll attract an Asian, who will fix it because they're good
with electronics
••
You'd Think....
As many times as I've been up this creek,
that I'd remember a paddle!
As many times as I've been up this creek,
that I'd remember a paddle!
••
Last night I was out with a few friends and had a few
too many beers.
Knowing full well I may have been over the legal limit,
I did something I never had done before.
I took a bus home.
I arrived safely without incident, which was a real
surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and I am
not sure where I got it from.
too many beers.
Knowing full well I may have been over the legal limit,
I did something I never had done before.
I took a bus home.
I arrived safely without incident, which was a real
surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and I am
not sure where I got it from.
••••
