••
♥
I watched my first silent movie the other day.
The wife wasn't there.
The wife wasn't there.
••
John and Martha had become parents for the first time.
One day, Martha had to go out for some shopping and
John volunteered to stay at home and look after the baby.
Soon after Martha left, the baby started to cry.
John did everything to pacify the baby, but the little boy
would just not stop crying.
John got really worried and decided to take the baby to
a doctor.
After the doctor listened carefully to all that John had
to say, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears,
chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he opened the diaper, he found it was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the good doctor explained.
"He just needs to be changed."
John who was visibly confused remarked, "
But the diaper package particularly says it's good for
up to 10 pounds!"
One day, Martha had to go out for some shopping and
John volunteered to stay at home and look after the baby.
Soon after Martha left, the baby started to cry.
John did everything to pacify the baby, but the little boy
would just not stop crying.
John got really worried and decided to take the baby to
a doctor.
After the doctor listened carefully to all that John had
to say, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears,
chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he opened the diaper, he found it was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the good doctor explained.
"He just needs to be changed."
John who was visibly confused remarked, "
But the diaper package particularly says it's good for
up to 10 pounds!"
••
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets
Chuck Norris.
neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets
Chuck Norris.
••
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride
kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave
him back his credit card.
her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom, the bride
kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave
him back his credit card.
••
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will
try to catch you because hey, free dummy.
because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will
try to catch you because hey, free dummy.
••
A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling,
"Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?"
The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call
the shots around here."
"Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?"
The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call
the shots around here."
••
A gorgeous Thai girl sat across from me on the train this
morning..
I thought "please don't get an erection, please don't get
an erection!!" and yep, she did!..
morning..
I thought "please don't get an erection, please don't get
an erection!!" and yep, she did!..
••
Some "Senior" personal ads...
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for
sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good
condition, some hair, many new parts including hip,
knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has
just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round
out a six- unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,
sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our
hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for
sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good
condition, some hair, many new parts including hip,
knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has
just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round
out a six- unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,
sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our
hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
••••
