••
♥
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise
and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it
was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor,
so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to
cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir.
I don't smell anything..... What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone shat a Christmas tree."
and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it
was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor,
so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to
cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir.
I don't smell anything..... What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone shat a Christmas tree."
••
If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen,
then why when you squeeze an orange doesn't it become
squozen?
then why when you squeeze an orange doesn't it become
squozen?
••
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wroong.
••
Guy walks into a travel agency...and asks for two tickets
to san joe zay.
The agent thinks for a second, and realizes he wants to
go to san jose.
"Sir it's pronounced san Hoe zay" not "san joe zay"
He nods with a smile and apologizes for the
misunderstanding.
"Ok sir, when would you like to go?"
"Oh, some time in hoon, or hoo lie will be fine"
to san joe zay.
The agent thinks for a second, and realizes he wants to
go to san jose.
"Sir it's pronounced san Hoe zay" not "san joe zay"
He nods with a smile and apologizes for the
misunderstanding.
"Ok sir, when would you like to go?"
"Oh, some time in hoon, or hoo lie will be fine"
••
A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said "Stay here and be very quiet.
I'll be across the field."
A little while later the father heard a blood curdling
scream and ran back to his son asking, "What's wrong?
I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs
and said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'
I panicked..."
The father said "Stay here and be very quiet.
I'll be across the field."
A little while later the father heard a blood curdling
scream and ran back to his son asking, "What's wrong?
I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs
and said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'
I panicked..."
••
A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office.
The woman wanted to know, if it was true that the
medication the doctor had prescribed was to be taken
for the rest of her life?
The doctor told her that it was, which made her a little
nervous.
There was a moment of silence before the woman
continued, "I'm wondering then, just how serious my
condition is.
This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"
The woman wanted to know, if it was true that the
medication the doctor had prescribed was to be taken
for the rest of her life?
The doctor told her that it was, which made her a little
nervous.
There was a moment of silence before the woman
continued, "I'm wondering then, just how serious my
condition is.
This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"
••
Know why beer goes through your system so fast?
It doesn't have to stop to change color.
It doesn't have to stop to change color.
••
My ex is going to make someone very happy one day
but completely miserable the rest of the time.
but completely miserable the rest of the time.
••
“The Chinese chef maliciously dumped a hot broth with
dumplings on an obnoxious customer.
It was a wanton soup attack.”
dumplings on an obnoxious customer.
It was a wanton soup attack.”
••••
