••
♥
A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of
service bysending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses
paid.
When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on
the bed.
He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says,
"Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very
angry with you."
The girl gets up and start to get dressed.
He says, "Where are you going?.... I'm not angry at you."
service bysending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses
paid.
When he walks into his room, there's a nude girl lying on
the bed.
He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says,
"Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am very, very
angry with you."
The girl gets up and start to get dressed.
He says, "Where are you going?.... I'm not angry at you."
••
Q: What did the redneck say when he ran into the bar
with a piece of shit in his hand?
A: Luck must be on my side tonight, look at what I
almost stepped in.
with a piece of shit in his hand?
A: Luck must be on my side tonight, look at what I
almost stepped in.
••
How did we get to the point where were paying for bottled
water?
That must have been some weird marketing meeting over
in France.
Some French guys sitting there, like, How dumb do I
think the Americans are?
I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
water?
That must have been some weird marketing meeting over
in France.
Some French guys sitting there, like, How dumb do I
think the Americans are?
I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
••
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's
terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic
hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool?
In my country all women have wool down there."
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do,
knit or have sex?"
terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic
hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool?
In my country all women have wool down there."
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do,
knit or have sex?"
••
The science teacher stood in the front
of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one
raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold,
because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a
Corvette."
The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because
platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a
Porsche."
The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"
"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you
should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one
raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold,
because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a
Corvette."
The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because
platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a
Porsche."
The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"
"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you
should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
••
What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
Mule-tide greetings.
Mule-tide greetings.
••
A woman I work with is dating a doctor.
She is also a grandmother.
One morning she was over at the doc's house when her
daughter-in-law called, sort of frantic.
It seems that her grandson had swallowed a penny.
The daughter-in-law wanted her to ask the doctor if she
should bring the boy in to be seen.
When she asked the doc, he calmly replied, "I don't think
it's necessary, just watch him closely for any change."
She is also a grandmother.
One morning she was over at the doc's house when her
daughter-in-law called, sort of frantic.
It seems that her grandson had swallowed a penny.
The daughter-in-law wanted her to ask the doctor if she
should bring the boy in to be seen.
When she asked the doc, he calmly replied, "I don't think
it's necessary, just watch him closely for any change."
••
He is so fat..............
that when he wears a yellow raincoat people yell "TAXI!"
that when he wears a yellow raincoat people yell "TAXI!"
••
The Observant Daughter......
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter
and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!'
Afterwards!"
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter
and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!'
Afterwards!"
••••
