••
♥
Politicians are the same all over.
They promise to build a bridge even where there is no
river. --Nikita Khrushchev--
They promise to build a bridge even where there is no
river. --Nikita Khrushchev--
••
When a man opens a car door for his wife,
it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip
it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip
••
One Saturday evening Gus walked into a bar and said
"Excuse me, I would like a pint of beer."
The bartender served Gus his drink and said,
"That will be four dollars." Gus pulled out a twenty-dollar
bill and handed it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender said, "but I can't accept that."
So, Gus pulls out a ten-dollar bill, and the bartender
rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" Gus asked the barkeep.
Pointing to a neon sign behind the bar, the bartender
explained, "This is a Singles Bar."
"Excuse me, I would like a pint of beer."
The bartender served Gus his drink and said,
"That will be four dollars." Gus pulled out a twenty-dollar
bill and handed it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender said, "but I can't accept that."
So, Gus pulls out a ten-dollar bill, and the bartender
rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" Gus asked the barkeep.
Pointing to a neon sign behind the bar, the bartender
explained, "This is a Singles Bar."
••
“When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered
down, he needed more proof.”
down, he needed more proof.”
••
One morning Lynn's mother was cleaning his room and
she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the
bed.
She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how
to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he
asked her how her day was.
The mother told him about the magazine.
Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle
this situation.
Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said,
"Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."
she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the
bed.
She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how
to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he
asked her how her day was.
The mother told him about the magazine.
Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle
this situation.
Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said,
"Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."
••
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing
my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the
lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn
my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the
lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn
••
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on
map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and
minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet
me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and
45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered,
"I guess you'd be eating alone."
map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and
minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet
me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and
45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered,
"I guess you'd be eating alone."
••
I had this one night stand..... and felt really bad about it
so I ran out the next morning and bought one for the
other side of the bed.
so I ran out the next morning and bought one for the
other side of the bed.
••
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered
a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated,
arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had
started from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man
said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my
worrying for me."
"How's that?" the would be accountant asked.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said.
"But I don't want to have to worry about money.
Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said.
"And how much will my position pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the
owner decisively.
"Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed.
"How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry.
Now get to work!"
a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated,
arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had
started from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man
said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my
worrying for me."
"How's that?" the would be accountant asked.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said.
"But I don't want to have to worry about money.
Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said.
"And how much will my position pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the
owner decisively.
"Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed.
"How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry.
Now get to work!"
••••
