••
♥
You know you're stressed when you start getting on
your own nerves.
your own nerves.
••
You might be a rednack if...
Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your
second buck.
You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.
You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an
hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes
law.
You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.
You've ever shoplifted Spam.
Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology
class so that your family won't go hungry.
You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.
Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your
second buck.
You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.
You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an
hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes
law.
You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.
You've ever shoplifted Spam.
Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology
class so that your family won't go hungry.
You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Juicy!
Juicy who!
Juicy what I just saw!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Juicy!
Juicy who!
Juicy what I just saw!
••
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping
center.
Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other
cleaning supplies.
By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in
an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness
of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of
soap, the woman remarked indignantly,
"Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before
Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk.
"With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new
broom, you'll be home in no time."
center.
Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other
cleaning supplies.
By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in
an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness
of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of
soap, the woman remarked indignantly,
"Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before
Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk.
"With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new
broom, you'll be home in no time."
••
ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT,
ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never
visit another Thai Brothel!!!
ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never
visit another Thai Brothel!!!
••
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes
your willy grow, that commercial will be on during the
Super Bowl, not at 3am!!
your willy grow, that commercial will be on during the
Super Bowl, not at 3am!!
••
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.
••
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of
sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried
everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it
with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally she tried threats, warning her son that,
"If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach
is going to blow up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son
saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench.
The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute,
then spoke to her saying,
"Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."
sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried
everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it
with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally she tried threats, warning her son that,
"If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach
is going to blow up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son
saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench.
The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute,
then spoke to her saying,
"Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."
••
The difference between the Pope and your boss...
the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
••
Irony of life...
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble..
The doctor hopes you fall ill..
The police hopes you become a criminal..
The teacher hopes you are born stupid..
The coffin maker wants you dead..
Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!!!
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble..
The doctor hopes you fall ill..
The police hopes you become a criminal..
The teacher hopes you are born stupid..
The coffin maker wants you dead..
Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!!!
••••
