••
♥
"What this country needs are more unemployed
politicians."
politicians."
••
My son was born with a deformity and needed
reconstructive surgery.
His eye lids had abnormal growths and needed skin
graphing so he could have normal function.
The doctor suggested using the foreskin from his
penis to reconstruct his eyelids.
The operation was a success.
But now my son is cock eyed........
reconstructive surgery.
His eye lids had abnormal growths and needed skin
graphing so he could have normal function.
The doctor suggested using the foreskin from his
penis to reconstruct his eyelids.
The operation was a success.
But now my son is cock eyed........
••
A blonde goes to a store's deodorant display and tells
the clerk, "I need to buy some deodorant for my
husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
the clerk, "I need to buy some deodorant for my
husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
••
A flight attendant is on the red-eye to Manila when a
water leak develops in the galley, which eventually soaks
the carpet throughout the aft cabin of the 747.
A very sleepy woman who becomes aware of the
dampness tugs at the attendant's skirt as
she passes by.
“Has it been raining?” she asks the flight attendant.
Keeping a straight face, she replies, “Yes, but we put
the top up.”
With a sigh of relief, the woman then goes back to sleep.....
water leak develops in the galley, which eventually soaks
the carpet throughout the aft cabin of the 747.
A very sleepy woman who becomes aware of the
dampness tugs at the attendant's skirt as
she passes by.
“Has it been raining?” she asks the flight attendant.
Keeping a straight face, she replies, “Yes, but we put
the top up.”
With a sigh of relief, the woman then goes back to sleep.....
••
If you steal a clock, will you face time?
••
When Ree's daughter, Amanda, was about 5 years old,
she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with
her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk.
She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets,
ladybugs and such.
When they happened upon a small beetle she did not
immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully,
raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the
sidewalk.
'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with
her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk.
She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets,
ladybugs and such.
When they happened upon a small beetle she did not
immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully,
raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the
sidewalk.
'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
••
Two silk worms had a race....... They ended up in a tie.
••
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work.
As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say
seductively "You've got great hair!"
The man looked around but couldn't see where the
voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.
A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say
"You're a handsome man!"
The man looked around, but still couldn't see where
the voice was coming from.
When he went back to his beer, the voice said again
"What a stud you are!"
The man was so baffled by this that he asked the
bartender what was going on.
The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts--
they're complimentary."
As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say
seductively "You've got great hair!"
The man looked around but couldn't see where the
voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.
A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say
"You're a handsome man!"
The man looked around, but still couldn't see where
the voice was coming from.
When he went back to his beer, the voice said again
"What a stud you are!"
The man was so baffled by this that he asked the
bartender what was going on.
The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts--
they're complimentary."
••
It's raining cats and dogs.
Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
••••
