Now that's a nice one.....
••
♥
Should members of these actual clubs be considered
slightly deranged:
Committee for Immediate Nuclear War,
the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to
Mushrooms,
the Order of Manly Men, and our favorite,
the Institute of Totally Useless Skills?
slightly deranged:
Committee for Immediate Nuclear War,
the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to
Mushrooms,
the Order of Manly Men, and our favorite,
the Institute of Totally Useless Skills?
••
I took what I thought was liquid Viagra last night.
It was, in fact, whiteout.
I woke up this morning with a massive correction.
It was, in fact, whiteout.
I woke up this morning with a massive correction.
••
We had a power outage at our home last night.
So, instead of a night of TV, the wife and I spent the
time chatting.
It was a real eye opener -
I'm off to buy a back-up generator today.
So, instead of a night of TV, the wife and I spent the
time chatting.
It was a real eye opener -
I'm off to buy a back-up generator today.
••
I cooked a meal for my wife on our anniversary and
she told me it was awful.
Ungrateful witch.....
I even gave her three slices of gravy.
she told me it was awful.
Ungrateful witch.....
I even gave her three slices of gravy.
••
It was an accident officer.
I was cleaning my fingernails with a hunting knife.
And he ran into me.
Backwards.
Fourteen times.
I was cleaning my fingernails with a hunting knife.
And he ran into me.
Backwards.
Fourteen times.
••
The sole purpose of a child's middle name,
is so they can tell when they're really in trouble.
is so they can tell when they're really in trouble.
••
A MAN WAS walking on the beach and found a bottle.
When he opened it, a genie appeared.
"Thank you for rescuing me," the genie said.
"For your kindness, I’ll grant you three wishes."
"For my first wish, I wish for $1 million," said the man.
"For my second wish, I wish for a Lincoln Continental."
Then the man piled all the money into the trunk of the
car and was going to drive to the bank.
He turned on the radio and began to sing along,
"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener..."
When he opened it, a genie appeared.
"Thank you for rescuing me," the genie said.
"For your kindness, I’ll grant you three wishes."
"For my first wish, I wish for $1 million," said the man.
"For my second wish, I wish for a Lincoln Continental."
Then the man piled all the money into the trunk of the
car and was going to drive to the bank.
He turned on the radio and began to sing along,
"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener..."
••
“Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to
be posted in the noose paper.”
be posted in the noose paper.”
••
It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California.
She has started a business telling people's fortunes.
But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells
one's breath.
That's, right, the sign outside reads:
Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
She has started a business telling people's fortunes.
But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells
one's breath.
That's, right, the sign outside reads:
Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
••
I got fired at work today.
My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn't know what to say to that.
My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn't know what to say to that.
••
Piracy is killing the music industry.
You try playing the guitar with a freakin hook.
You try playing the guitar with a freakin hook.
••••
