••
♥
I hate Canadians, They come down here and steal the
jobs away from our Mexicans.
Damn snowbacks..... LOL just kidding.
jobs away from our Mexicans.
Damn snowbacks..... LOL just kidding.
••
Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the
edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date,
"you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, " I'm going to pull the 'here after'
routine."
"The 'here after' routine... what's that?"
she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after,
you'll be here after I'm gone!" he replies.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date,
"you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, " I'm going to pull the 'here after'
routine."
"The 'here after' routine... what's that?"
she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after,
you'll be here after I'm gone!" he replies.
••
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter,
a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a
new dress...... How much does it cost?"
"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl...... "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped
the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a
little old man standing beside her.
"Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a
new dress...... How much does it cost?"
"Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl...... "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped
the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a
little old man standing beside her.
"Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
••
Sam: Why is a Take-home pay called so?
Chuck: That's because it's way too small to go home
by itself.
Chuck: That's because it's way too small to go home
by itself.
••
Wedding speech from modern girl to her in laws:
"My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me
in my new house..
First of all I must tell you that my presence here should
not change your life routines.
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing
it.
Those cooking must keep cooking.
Those cleaning must keep cleaning.
I'll not disturb anybody's routine.
So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only
to eat BUN, have FUN & entertain your SON.
"My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me
in my new house..
First of all I must tell you that my presence here should
not change your life routines.
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing
it.
Those cooking must keep cooking.
Those cleaning must keep cleaning.
I'll not disturb anybody's routine.
So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only
to eat BUN, have FUN & entertain your SON.
••
I got so drunk last night, that when I walked across
the dance floor to get another drink,
I won the dance contest.
the dance floor to get another drink,
I won the dance contest.
••
hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans
of alphabet soup.
If one explodes......it could spell disaster.
of alphabet soup.
If one explodes......it could spell disaster.
••
I was stopped by a Korean prostitute in the park last
night.
She smiled and said, "I'll eat you for breakfast, you
handsome thing."
I still don't know whether she was talking to me or
my dog.
night.
She smiled and said, "I'll eat you for breakfast, you
handsome thing."
I still don't know whether she was talking to me or
my dog.
••
A couple of monsters kept my daughter up all night
last night.
Looking back, it was probably a bad idea giving
my 3 year old energy drinks anyway.
last night.
Looking back, it was probably a bad idea giving
my 3 year old energy drinks anyway.
••
Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on
Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for
white trash.
••••
Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for
white trash.
••••
