They love sticking their head out window....
Loves his teddy....
••
♥
My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in
love?"
I said, "I was 18.
I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous
blonde I'd ever seen.
Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said, "So what happened?"
I said, "Nothing.
Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your Mother."
love?"
I said, "I was 18.
I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous
blonde I'd ever seen.
Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said, "So what happened?"
I said, "Nothing.
Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your Mother."
••
“I fired the floor refinishers.
They simply could not hold their lacquer.”
They simply could not hold their lacquer.”
••
Dear Alcohol, we had a deal, you were going to make
me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer.
I saw the video, we need to talk.
me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer.
I saw the video, we need to talk.
••
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green
frogs in a swamp, was stumped.
The frog population, despite efforts at predator control,
was declining at an alarming rate.
A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution:
The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water,
simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce
successfully.
The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist
the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium.
It seems the little green frogs needed some
monosodium glue to mate.
frogs in a swamp, was stumped.
The frog population, despite efforts at predator control,
was declining at an alarming rate.
A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution:
The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water,
simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce
successfully.
The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist
the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium.
It seems the little green frogs needed some
monosodium glue to mate.
••
I knew I had the wrong marriage counselor when
I saw her latest book: "Women Are From Venus,
Men Are Lyin' Bastards"
I saw her latest book: "Women Are From Venus,
Men Are Lyin' Bastards"
••
One day two friends were talking about marriage.
Danny: What kind of wife would you like, Johnny?
Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon...
Danny: Wow !! what a choice...
do you want her to be cool & calm like a moon?
Johnny : No, no...
Danny: Oh, so you want her to be round and white?
Johny: No, no...
Danny: Oh, so you want her to be fair and beautiful
like a moon?
Johny: No, no...
I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the
morning...!!!
One day two friends were talking about marriage.
Danny: What kind of wife would you like, Johnny?
Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon...
Danny: Wow !! what a choice...
do you want her to be cool & calm like a moon?
Johnny : No, no...
Danny: Oh, so you want her to be round and white?
Johny: No, no...
Danny: Oh, so you want her to be fair and beautiful
like a moon?
Johny: No, no...
I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the
morning...!!!
••
Pick up line answers ....
“Haven’t we met before?”
“Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
“Is this seat empty?”
“Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
“So, wanna go back to my place?”
“Well, will two people fit under a rock?”
“So what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a female impersonator.”
“What sign were you born under?”
“No Parking.”
“Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
“Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
“Your body is like a temple.”
“Haven’t we met before?”
“Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
“Is this seat empty?”
“Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
“So, wanna go back to my place?”
“Well, will two people fit under a rock?”
“So what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a female impersonator.”
“What sign were you born under?”
“No Parking.”
“Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
“Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
“Your body is like a temple.”
••••
